


Yearly Divide

by featherybuttcas (weesynthpixie)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Actor AU, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Misha, CBB2016, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Polyphobia, Slow Build, Top Jensen, mostly just a brief mention, slight f/f
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 12:06:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7102585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weesynthpixie/pseuds/featherybuttcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen was cast on the set of a TV show called Yearly Divide a season ago. It’s been good so far; the cast and crew are nice. The work hours are brutal but fun. They have banquets of food in the tents. And his checks would make an A-list celebrity’s mind explode. That is until he gets the script for the first episode of the second season: Ben gives a warm but wary gaze to his long lost lover Marc Jones. Jensen gulps once and slowly moves his eyes to the character list to see who is playing this Marc Jones person – Misha Collins, it reads.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yearly Divide

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the Cockles Big Bang of 2016! I'm so glad to be apart of this wonderful writing challenge. Basically, I wanted to write cockles in an environment where homosexual relationships on a TV show are okay, and I wanted to explore the gradual rise and fall of emotions that Jensen experiences with this realization he'll have to play a bisexual character. Bonus points of making Robbie executive producer of the made up show. 
> 
> Huge shoutout to my betas [Jann](http://yourfavoritedirector.tumblr.com) and [Viola](http://destielissoqueerlike.tumblr.com) for checking my grammar and continuity. Even a bonafide English major still misses things. I really appreciate it guys!
> 
> Lastly, lots of hugs and kisses to [Ezra](http://jcnsens.tumblr.com) for the beautiful art made specifically for this story. They worked tirelessly on their tablet with a missing stylus pen to make sure the art was done on time. A link to the masterpost of their art can be found [here](http://jcnsens.tumblr.com/post/145466381212/is-this-how-you-do-it-this-was-a-v-ambitious). I've also taken the liberty of embedding the art within the story as well. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

  


Summer is practically brutal in California. Or at least Jensen thinks so. You’d think by now he’d be used to it, having lived off and on in California for nearly a decade now, but some days he’ll just take one step outside in the beginning of June where it’s a full, sunny day and feel all his skin melt off. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all. It makes him yearn for Texas weather, which actually isn’t much better. 

But today he was informed by the executive producer of Yearly Divide, Robbie Thompson, to come to set to begin reading over the script for the second season. They will begin filming in roughly three weeks or so, and Jensen is actually really looking forward to it. Season one did very well ratings-wise, and they’re hoping season two will do just as well if not better. Well, they hope so, or else the network will drop them like a sack of hot potatoes. Which will then force Jensen’s agent to scramble for new work and nobody wants that. Danneel already works hard enough. 

Danneel Harris is one of Jensen’s closest friends. Well, also his ex-girlfriend, his agent, and basically the one person he can tell anything to without being judged. Sometimes he wonders what the fuck happened to have them break up because they get along so fantastically, but it’s still a mystery since Danneel is the one who broke up with him roughly six years ago. She’s married now, but they both know they hold special places in each other’s hearts. Not only does Danneel find great gigs for him, she’s also a great shoulder to cry on (when Jensen broke up with Kimberly a year ago) and has the best listening ear (when Jensen told Danneel that his father forced him to never drink from a straw because “it wasn’t manly” during his childhood, he got so angry about it, being manipulated like that, and she listened to him rant and rave for God knows how long). 

So Jensen mentally vows he’s going to work his ass off this season to deliver the best performance he can muster so that none of that happens. Robbie’s also an excellent EP; he’s very much attuned to his audience, his demographics, and what they want out of the show. Jensen has absolutely zero worries... he hopes. 

As he appears on set, dark sunglasses close to his face and plaid shirt billowing slightly in the California summer breeze, he darts immediately for the food tent. A handful of people are gathered there, including Jared Padalecki who plays his best friend on the show, Genevieve Padalecki who conveniently plays Jared’s girlfriend on the show while also being his wife (lucky fucking bastard), and Mark Sheppard who plays the stereotypical bad guy with a terrible past that is supposed to nullify all the terrible crap he does. Jensen gives Jared a hug with a couple pats on the back, gives Genevieve a tight squeeze as he lifts her off the ground, and finally gives Mark a firm handshake.

“Hey guys,” he says amicably as he makes his way to the vegetarian station table. He does a double take before piling on broccoli and a mixed salad with kale in it. 

“Hey man, how’s it going?” Jared asks, chomping away rather messily on his burger loaded with caramelized onions. Jensen saw Jared and Gen last at the season one wrap party, where all three proceeded to get majorly drunk and play “Never Have I Ever”. Turns out – Jared and Gen are kind of freaky. But he loves them both because they’re both wonderful actors and great friends. Ever since, they keep in almost daily contact through text messaging and phone calls. Jensen is very glad to be back and working alongside Jared again, even if it means more pranks, more Jared scaring off the poor guest stars, and more Jared breaking things. 

Jensen takes a tentative bite of the salad, pretends to grimace even though it tastes fucking amazing, and replies, “Great. Way too fucking hot out here, but I’m glad to be back.”

Jared nods, eyeing the salad but not commenting. “Have you seen the script for the first episode yet?”

Jensen shakes his head, searching for a napkin to wipe the dressing off his face. He finds one pretty quickly before wiping his mouth. “Not yet. I’m going to go to Thompson’s office, talk about my contract, and then get it,” he says. “Why? Have you?”

Jared sets his plate down and puts his hands on his hips. He’s looking down at the floor, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Gen just gives Jensen a borderline pitying look, which is strange for her. She’s almost always happy and bubbly and looking at Jensen with a fond smile. But now he’s seriously worried.

“What? What is it?” 

“It’s just…uh…um….” Jared’s stalling. And he’s almost…meek now. 

Jensen starts to really freak out. “Shit, did they kill you off? Fuck that. You know what I’m going to go straight to Thompson and rip him a new asshole I swear to God it’s only been one goddamn season—“

“No Jensen! Fuck, no it’s not…that. No my character is safe, thank God.” He deliberately pauses and takes a breath. “It’s about your character.”

Jensen swallows thickly. “What about my character, Jared?”

Jared sighs. “I think you should talk to Robbie. Look at the script yourself.” 

Hearing all of this makes Jensen lose his appetite. He abandons his food and goes directly to Robbie’s office, not even bothering to knock before walking in. 

Robbie’s sitting at his desk, reading one of his own Silk comics, totally oblivious to Jensen’s abrupt entrance into the room. He only gets Robbie’s attention when Jensen bellows, “What the fuck?”

Robbie just looks at him before saying, “Good morning, Jensen. How can I help you?”

“Come on Robbie don’t make me force it out of you,” Jensen says. “I just want to know what happens to my character before I do or agree to anything.” He takes a few breaths to calm down. Despite his worry, Robbie is still his boss; therefore, he can’t really afford to be an ass. At least not until he sees what’s going on.

Robbie only chuckles, sets the Silk comic down on his desk, and reaches for the season two episode one script. He hands it to Jensen calmly before clasping his hands together under his chin. There’s still a small, triumphant smile adorning his face, and Jensen only raises one cautious eyebrow before looking at it.

He quickly scans the less important details like who wrote it (Robbie of course) and who directed it (also Robbie) and goes directly to some of Ben Westchester’s first lines. Nothing really screams to him, at first, something he should be worried about. Well, not until he gets to the part where Ben sees a new character that even Jensen isn’t prepared for: Ben gives a warm but wary gaze at his long lost lover Marc Jones. Jensen’s breathing suddenly stops, knowing the fact that Marc is in no way a gender neutral name. And Marc is in no way some subtextual plot device (like Ty Olsson’s Kenny character) meant to attract more viewers. No….this is a for real textual romance that is probably going to come to fruition for Ben and this Marc guy this season. 

Jensen swallows tightly before moving his gaze up slowly to the character list, trying to fit name to actor – Misha Collins. 

“No,” Jensen says, tossing the script back on the desk. He crosses his arms in defiance like a five year old about ready to have his first tantrum. Robbie sighs and says, “Jensen you know you don’t really have a choice in this. Trust me, this will be good for you, your character, and the show. Representation in media is really big and important right now, and it’ll be good for our demographic viewers.” 

Jensen just tenses at this news. But why him? Why this show? Why can’t another show take one for the team? Why does he have to suddenly play the gay character? He thought it was already established Ben was straight because Jensen had already kissed three women on the show and had sex with two others. 

“I thought Ben was already straight,” Jensen says, irritation flirting at the edges of his voice. 

Robbie merely shrugs. “Well, not necessarily. Sexuality is very fluid, Jensen. While a character or person may only show one side of their sexuality, doesn’t mean there isn’t more parts to it.”

Jensen scoffs. “So, what, Ben is a closeted homo and that’s going to be your big surprise for the season?”

Robbie sighs again louder and harder, dragging a hand down his face. “No. No, Ben is bisexual. Bisexual meaning he likes both genders. Until now, the audience only saw the female side to it.” 

Jensen slumps at that. Okay…well…that makes sense. It actually makes too much sense, and Jensen starts to feel a little uneasy in the room. Did the temperature just shoot up twenty degrees or something? 

Jensen decides to put his hands up in the air, conceding defeat. “Fine. Whatever. We’ll do it your way.” He turns to Robbie with a somewhat steely glare. “But if this doesn’t work for some reason, like the ratings drop or the network ultimately turns it down, then we’re killing off the character. Okay?”

“Agreed. But I promise you, Jensen, that that will not happen. I’ve already got a greenlight from the network, and Mr. Collins has already grabbed and begun to study his lines.” Robbie is smirking now. “I think you should meet him. Since you two will be working closely together now.”

Jensen gives him an ugly face before grabbing the script paper and marching out of the room. 

It’s Jared who finds Jensen in his trailer later that afternoon. 

He knocks softly first before coming in. He smiles and says “hey” before sitting down next to Jensen on the sofa. Jensen is mindlessly watching a rerun of Grey’s Anatomy; his posture is slumped and he doesn’t look happy.

And Jensen really isn’t happy all things considered. He’s just not sure if he’s ready to tell Jared yet what transpired. Although it sounded like Jared already knew by the way he was acting that caused Jensen to confront Robbie in the first place. 

“I take it you talked to Robbie,” Jared says, crooked smile on his face. Jensen knows Jared is trying in his own Jared way to comfort Jensen, but it’s really not working. What he needs is a few stiff drinks and maybe a nice long chat with Danneel. 

“Yeah, I did,” Jensen says, bringing his hands up to rub his face. He feels tired already and he hasn’t even started yet. Great. 

“So? What’s going on then?” Jared asks. 

“We’re going through with it. I’m, apparently, going to have a male love interest named Marc played by Michael? Micah? Whatever his name is. I’m really not happy about it, man.”

“But Robbie isn’t budging, huh?”

“Nope. The network has already approved it so…” Jensen trails off. The urge to have that drink is really strong now that he’s really digesting everything. He meanders over to his fully-stocked bar and pours himself a drink. He offers one to Jared who declines.

They sit together in silence, Jensen sipping from his drink every handful of seconds. What’s there to say? Jensen has to suddenly be into guys for the cameras and act like that’s something he’s really into, which he isn’t. God, what will his mom think? His dad even? They’d be so disappointed, even if both of them know the life of an actor. 

The silence is verging on being extremely uncomfortable, so Jared clears his throat and leaves, stating he’ll see Jensen on set tomorrow. Good. Now Jensen can get properly drunk and pass out on his pull-out couch. 

It only takes another few fingers of whiskey for him to feel the telltale sign of absolute oblivious drunkenness. He blearily looks at his script and scowls at it. But honestly, he really should just fucking relax. Who knows, this Michael guy may be feeling the same thing as him in his own weird way. Maybe he’s more of a professional actor than Jensen is.

Jensen snorts at that. He highly doubts it. 

The urge to call Danneel is very strong, though. And he knows she’s busy as fuck, probably in her office sorting and filing and whatever else agents do. He really doesn’t know. But she’ll definitely be that sympathetic ear he’s been needing desperately for the past few hours. 

So he calls her with no plan in mind or what to really say except, “Hey Dee. It’s me.”

“Jensen?” she says, voice melodic as always. These are the times Jensen remembers how much he loves her. 

“Yeah, the one and only. H-how are you?” Jensen asks. He twirls the amber liquid around in his glass as he waits for her to respond. 

“…Fine. But Jensen why are you calling in the middle of the day? Shouldn’t you be on set since it’s your first day back? Or at least going over your lines?” When he doesn’t answer immediately, Danneel says, “What’s going on? Talk to me.” 

“I, uh, got the script today, yeah. And guess what? I’m gay!” 

There’s a very long, very awkward pause after that. Then a frustrated sigh follows. “Jen, please, what’s going on? Make sense or I’ll hang up on your drunken ass.” 

Jensen giggles at that, swaying in his seat. “I’m not drunk, Danneel, sheesh. I mean I’m fucking gay! Or at least my character is. Some fucking asshole with a weird name was cast as my male love interest.” 

“Aww,” Danneel coos. 

“Fuck off.”

“I so will not. Jensen Ross Ackles playing a gay role. Who sacrificed their soul to the devil for this? I want to pay them.” She starts hysterically laughing. 

Okay so maybe Jensen doesn’t love her as much as he originally thought. 

“Dani please,” he pleads, hand not holding his phone scrubbing along his face. 

She calms down soon enough. “Okay, grumpy. But I really don’t see what the big deal is?”

“Um, everything?”

“Um, melodramatic much?” Jensen rolls his eyes. “Come on, Jen, it’s not the end of the world. It’s just acting. It’s not like you’re actually going to have to date and sleep with the guy. You and I both know Robbie would never steer you wrong when it comes to where the story takes him.” 

Jensen sighs at that. She’s absolutely right goddammit. But that doesn’t mean Jensen is still 100% okay with it. He really just needs to grin and bear it. Hopefully the character Marc will get killed off halfway through and they can be done with this “experimentation phase”. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll suck it up and do my job, like I’m supposed to.” 

“There you go. Who knows, maybe the male love interest will turn into a new friend. God knows you don’t have enough of those,” she says sarcastically, laughing. 

“Ha ha,” Jensen retorts. “Maybe you’re right. Thank you, Dee, you always know exactly what to say and kick my ass when I act and think stupidly.”

“You know it, babe. But I really do have to get back to work. Take a nap, sleep off the alcohol, then study your goddamn lines.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, bossy,” Jensen chuckles at that. Okay he’s back to loving her again. Was their relationship always so up and down like this before?

“Love you, champ,” she says.

“Love you too.” He hangs up. 

While he feels marginally better about the whole situation, a thick lump still sits deep in his chest, gnawing and chewing and suffocating him. Sheesh, is he really this fucked up or is it just the alcohol talking? 

He decides not to dwell more on it and settles comfortably on the couch to take a long nap, strangely not filled with dreams about the mysterious new actor. 

~

A week and a half later finds Jensen on set. He had already visited hair and makeup and wardrobe, and is in prime condition to get some scenes filmed. 

He sees Jared first with his head back, eyes shut, as he murmurs lines to himself while a petite looking brunette attempts to stand on her tippy toes and fix his hair. He’s not making it easy for her which makes Jensen laugh. He probably doesn’t even realize he’s a giant compared to all the normal-sized people. 

After Jensen gives a sympathetic look to the woman, he then notices Robbie behind a camera sitting in the director’s chair. Robbie has this thing where he must both write and direct each season opener and season ender no matter what. “Those are the most critical episodes!” he said to the cast and crew at large one time. “As the creator who knows the most about the plot, I wouldn’t trust anyone else with this.” 

Jensen briskly walks over to Robbie and gives him a pat on the shoulder. “Robbie, my man, how’s it hangin’?”

Robbie cracks a small smile and says, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” 

Jensen visibly flinches at that before laughing without much humor involved. He walked right into that one.

“In all seriousness, though, we’re filming your reunion scene with Collins today.”

This time Jensen actually takes a step back, but then shakes his shoulders. He is not going to panic today. It’s his job as an actor to do things that might be out of his comfort zone. Or way out of his comfort zone as the case may be for right now. 

After Jensen’s panic phone call to Danneel, he sort of forgot about his crisis regarding his character having a male love interest with this Collins guy, aside from the lines he had already studied. But why did Robbie have to throw him into the coldest water? Jensen is still not mentally prepared yet. 

“Um,” he says eloquently. 

Robbie looks over his shoulder, eyes hard and serious. “You’ve studied them right? We have a schedule to keep, Jensen.” 

“Of course.”

“Good. Collins should be here any minute. I want you on your marker for the first scene and I want to be done no later than seven o’ clock today.” 

Jensen nods in the affirmative and heads over until he finds the red tape on the ground where he’s supposed to stand and waits. Collins arrives a few minutes later, and Jensen tries hard not to stare as the man approaches the same petite looking brunette to do last minute touch-ups. 

He’s tall with dark brown hair and matching stubble. His shoulders are wide and his muscles almost bulge underneath the t-shirt he’s wearing. His skin is lightly tanned, like he just returned from a trip on the beach. Jensen’s eyes follow Collins’ hands as they mess with the jeans and shirt he’s wearing, and catches a sliver of silver on his left hand. It seems to be a wedding ring. 

Jensen’s eyes narrow at this, but he’s not sure why. Actually, the emotions he’s feeling right now over the thought that this man who is about to play his lover is married, and probably to a woman too. Jensen blinks at nothing and takes a few deep breathes to get back into his acting mind frame. 

When the woman is done, Collins places a hand on her shoulder in thanks and then deliberately winks at her. The woman, flustered, starts giggling and tucks a lock of loose hanging hair behind her ear. She walks away and Jensen is appalled at how Collins slightly turns his head so that he can watch her walk away. 

Next thing he knows, he’s being introduced. 

“Misha Collins,” Collins says, sticking a friendly hand out. Up close like this, Jensen notices his lips are chapped and his eyes are a dark, almost murky blue. 

“Jensen. Ackles,” Jensen responds, taking the proffered hand and shaking with as much strength as he can manage. Is he posturing? Sure fucking looks like it. Hopefully Misha won’t notice. 

“Wow, for being my lover, you sure are good-looking.”

Jensen quickly rips his hand out of Misha’s and folds it behind his head, rubbing the back of his neck as he lights up like a red beacon of embarrassment. “Thanks, man. But just so you know I, uh, don’t swing that way. Robbie has kind of forced my hand here with this so….yeah.” Wow Ackles way to bring the guy down gently. 

Jensen chances a glance up at Misha and instead of seeing rejection or even consternation, he sees a face filled with amusement. That…really wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. 

“Hm, I didn’t know that I couldn’t compliment another man on his appearance without it suddenly turning gay,” he says. “I’ll make sure to stick to friendly, but not too friendly, head nods and fist bumps next time.” 

“Uh, thanks man, I guess.” 

This guy is extremely weird. 

Misha just nods before finding his marker. Jensen looks for Jared and sees that, as a precaution, the crew has already removed him from set so as not to make Jensen or Misha’s lives a living hell, especially since it’s their first scene together ever. Jared is a known pranker that tends to lead to bodily injury. Except when it comes to Jensen, who for some reason has been off-limits since the middle of the first season. It must be some deep respect or something, who knows, but Jensen is just happy to not be in the full brunt of it for obvious reasons. 

Basically, from what Jensen remembers, the scene they are about to film is when Ben sees Marc Jones after a handful of years of being estranged from each other inside a coffee shop of all places. Jensen would’ve picked a better venue than a coffee shop, but it’s Robbie’s vision not Jensen’s so he just goes with the flow. 

Robbie yells Action! and Jensen begins his lines. A guest actor behind the counter acting as the cute, young barista initiates the conversation. “What can I get for you today, sir?”

“I’d like a small coffee please.”

“Of course. Your total is $2.99.” 

Jensen then pretends to give the girl money, knowing the shot would be above his hand. He then looks around until he spots Misha “entering” the establishment. Jensen puts on his best disbelieving face and stares. 

“Um, sir, your change?” 

Jensen pretends to break out of his trance and says, “Yes, of course, sorry.” He takes the change. He shoves his wallet into the back of his jeans and stands and waits until he’s back on his coverage. Right now, Misha is conversing with another guest actor. Then his eyes lift, like he somehow knew he was being watched, and literally looks directly into Jensen’s soul.

Jensen, staring back, is supposed to go over to Misha and hug him tightly, but Jensen is just too stunned at the intense look Misha is giving him. 

And, of course, a resounding “Cut!” hits his eardrums and Jensen curses under his breath. He looks back over to Misha where the smarmy bastard is smirking at him, hands on his hips like he knew exactly that this would happen. Jensen merely glares back before shaking out his shoulders to get back into the groove of things. 

Everyone resets back to where Misha is talking with the guest actor, which means Jensen is going to have to witness that intense stare again. But he’s determined to not let himself get distracted by Misha’s gaze, no matter how much it made Jensen tingle. 

By the time Misha is supposed to look at him, Jensen is as prepared as he’ll ever be for the onslaught. Misha looks, and Jensen seizes up again. Robbie calls “cut”, and there’s a collective groan from the crew. If Jensen doesn’t cool it here soon, the crew will hand him his ass, and not in the sexy way either. 

Now Misha is laughing and Jensen can’t help but grin back. Maybe this guy will fit in just nicely with their little ragtag group of people. But Jensen is now seriously determined to get through this scene before he has to run into Misha’s arms. 

It takes them another four takes before Jensen finally gets the message, and Robbie is only this close to pulling out his hair. 

Jensen runs at Misha and pulls him in for a hug, albeit it’s more like one of those bro hugs where there’s serious slapping on the back and not much else contact. 

Robbie says, “Jensen, this is your long, lost, estranged lover you’re seeing again for the first time. This hug needs to mean something. Hug him like you would hug your girlfriend after being gone on a trip for months. Got it?” 

Jensen bites his lip and nods. He notices Misha shrug and fix his clothes, face pretty much emotionless at the moment. 

He returns to his marker and waits for Robbie to say “action”. When he does, Jensen takes off at a nice jog over to Misha. Instead of going for the shoulders, he reaches around Misha’s waist, and lifts him slightly off the ground and spins them a couple of times. He feels Misha’s arms wrap around his shoulders and his legs around his hips. He listens warmly to Misha’s honey-filled laugh as they spin in place in pure, unadulterated happiness. 

Jensen gently lets Misha down because the fucker is heavier than he looks and proceeds with his lines. “Marc! Son of a bitch! How have you been?”

Misha is smiling up at him with a gummy smile, eyes alight with happiness and amusement. It’s almost intoxicating, and Jensen subtly bites his lip in order to not disturb the scene. 

“Ben. I-I can’t believe it’s you.” Misha reaches up a hand to lightly stroke Jensen’s cheek. Jensen is slightly taken aback at the action since it’s not scripted for Misha to touch him like this, but since Robbie isn’t yelling out to cut the scene, Jensen rolls with it. He plants on his best adoring smile and lets Misha caress his cheek. 

Misha then pulls his hand away, clears his throat. “Let’s grab a drink and catch up.”

The rest of the scene involves them talking extensively about what had happened between now and when they split. They keep their hands to themselves, and before they know it, Robbie is yelling “Cut!” again and telling them it’s a wrap for the day. 

Misha and Jensen don’t speak as they leave the set, and they each take a different route to head to their respective trailers. As Jensen is walking to his, he runs into Jared who’s eating a generous looking patty melt in one hand and his phone in the other. 

“Hey man,” Jared says through his sandwich. Although it sounds more like, “Ey mawn.”

“Hey. Are they catching you for the rest of the day?”

Jared nods, swallowing his bite before speaking properly. “Yeah, we’re filming me sleeping with Gen and then apparently I say something stupid which leads to a falling out between us.” Jared shrugs. “Should be fun. You know me and Gen have the best chemistry here. Or maybe not anymore…”

Jensen raises one eyebrow at Jared who is now smirking. “No.”

Jared guffaws, taking another bite of his sandwich. “We’ll see about that.” Then he’s walking away, doing a lazy wave as he does. Jensen just shakes his head and enters his trailer. He walks straight to his mini fridge and grabs a beer, knowing he’s done for the day. 

He gets comfortable on the couch and turns on the TV, but really isn’t paying much attention. He’s slouched so deep into the plump cushions that his eyes go cross-eyed trying to pay attention. He’s well on his way to an uncomfortable nap when there’s a light rap on his trailer door. 

It startles him into full wakefulness, and Jensen grumbles as he carefully places his beer on the coffee table. He’s about ready to curse out whoever is on the other side, but stops, mouth open, as he sees Misha instead. 

He’s changed into a sweater and washed-out jeans, hair unkempt in the slight breeze, and his face is clear of all makeup. 

“Hey,” he says, hands in his pockets, one eye closed against the sunlight. 

“Hey,” says Jensen, slightly bewildered. 

“Can I come in?” 

“You’re not a vampire so I don’t see why not,” Jensen chuckles at his lame joke.

“Oh thank God or else I’d have to be cast on that other show.”

“The Vampire Chronicles?” 

“That’s the one,” Misha says, waiting for Jensen to step back to let him in. He does and Misha swoops in like he owns the place. He plops himself right on the couch, eyes Jensen’s half-filled beer, then gets right back up to grab his own from the fridge. 

“Thanks for asking,” Jensen grumbles as he closes the door. Misha only hums as he takes a long swig from the bottle. Jensen watches his throat for a moment before forcefully tearing his eyes away. “So, what brings you here?”

“Oh, you know, threat of potential isolation as the new guy who everyone hates. So I figured I’d try to wiggle into someone’s good graces before that happens. Since you’re playing my lover, I thought that would be a safe bet.”

Jensen blinks because holy fuck this guy is strange but instead nods and says. “Ah, good choice then.” 

They sit on the couch together in silence. It’s edging on awkward pretty quickly, so Jensen decides he might as well get to know the dude. Robbie would probably have his head if he and Misha weren’t on good terms. 

“Sooo,” he starts then mentally kicks himself because he’s so lame. “Is Misha Collins really your name?”

Misha laughs, adjusting his position so that he can face Jensen better. “I like how we’re getting down to the nitty gritty, huh?” He takes another sip of the beer before putting it back on the coffee table next to Jensen. Both of them are collecting condensation on the outside. “For your information, and for all intents and purposes, it is. But maybe I’ll let you in on a little secret later.”

“Ah, okay then. Well, for all intents and purposes, I really am Jensen Ackles. Born in Texas. Pisces. And I love music.”

“Woah there cowboy. As much as your life story intrigues me, the air of mysteriousness is more appealing.” 

Jensen shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Yeah well I don’t. I need to know if my fake lover is potentially a serial killer.”

“Only in three countries,” Misha responds, deadpan as ever. Jensen stares at him, searching for any sign he’s joking, but nothing on Misha’s face shows he is. Jensen’s starting to get a little panicky when Misha suddenly breaks the façade, making a pffft noise through his lips as he falls forward. “Oh man I almost had you! You should’ve seen your face!”

Jensen isn’t as amused as Misha is, being the victim of the prank. But it does give him insight into Misha as an actor, which is, apparently, a very good one. 

Misha laughs for a solid minute, eyes teary with amusement. Jensen waits him out patiently. When he stops, Jensen goes back to interrogating him. Now he’s fascinated. 

“How old are you?”

“You know you’re never supposed to ask a lady her age,” Misha retorts back easily. 

“But you’re not a lady.” 

“Are you sure about that?” Misha teases, smiling wider and wider at the banter. 

Jensen points to Misha’s face, “Judging by all that stubble I’m pretty sure you’re a dude.” 

“Lots of women have stubble though,” Misha says. Jensen looks confused for a moment. 

“Uh, sure, anyway. C’mon, man, how old are you?” Jensen pleads. He’s now turned facing Misha as well, both of their arms on the back of the couch. Misha has his legs crossed over the knee while Jensen has one leg up on the couch. 

“If you must know,” Misha says, eyes twinkling. “I’m 41.” 

Jensen gawks at that. “No way.” 

Misha scoots forward, eyes wide in exaggeration. “See all those wrinkles! And the crow’s feet! I’m lucky people don’t misjudge me for being 50.”

“Okay then where’s your grey hair?” Jensen gestures vaguely at Misha’s dark hair. 

Misha plucks at some strands, sending it into chaos even more than it already was. “I dye it of course.”

“Ah,” Jensen says, nodding. “That makes sense.”

“So, how old are you?”

Jensen debates over whether he should lie or tell the truth. He doesn’t really look too old for his age, so he could probably get away with it. But Misha was honest with him. The last thing he needs is to start their budding friendship on a distrustful road. “I’m 38.” 

“Nice. Good to know I’m not a pedophile,” Misha smirks. 

Jensen rolls his eyes at that but can’t help the small smile that forms. After the initial awkwardness, their conversations flowed better, smoother. Jensen can tell they’re going to get along, much to the happiness of one Mr. Robbie Thompson. 

They find themselves chatting well into the afternoon. Jensen finally gets out of Misha that he was born and raised in Massachusetts. He’s married to a wonderful woman named Vicki for over 14 years. And that he’s thinking of starting up a charity if he ends up staying long-term on Yearly Divide. 

“Well, good luck with that. Sounds like an awesome thing to do.”

Misha nods, finishes off his third beer of the day. “After everything in my life, everything I’ve experienced, the least I can do is give back in some way. To help others. And why not use my forthcoming fame and fortune to do so?”

“Here here to that.” Jensen raises his fourth beer bottle up to Misha’s empty third and they make a silent toast to the endeavor. 

Eventually, Misha declares he has to leave. Jensen feels a sadness wash over him over that. He really doesn’t want him to leave, but they’re too new in their friendship for him to just blurt out he wants him to stay longer. Plus, it’s pretty gay. 

So Jensen gives Misha a somewhat awkward one arm half hug thing and leads him to the door. They say their goodbyes, but Misha gives him one last lingering look before walking in the direction of his trailer. 

That night, Jensen dreams of warm laughter and blue eyes. 

~ 

Another couple weeks go by and he’s seen not hide nor hair of Misha. During that time, Jensen was filming scenes by himself or with Jared, as they tend to film out of order. Jensen realizes that for this episode, he and Misha have one more scene together, which is the kissing scene he’s been sort of dreading. It’s nothing too crazy, just a chaste kiss with both of them having the ability to improvise what they do with their hands. Jensen gets a weird mix of dread and excitement over Misha using his hands during that scene. 

Coincidentally, it’s the last day of filming for the episode, and Jensen has already received two more scripts for the next two episodes. He doesn’t dare look at them yet or else he might put a bounty on Robbie’s head. Plus, he needs to be in the mind of his character, not that of a surly actor who still doesn’t understand why he has to play a gay one. 

Jensen’s going over his lines one last time while they wait for Misha. The set is inside Ben’s apartment, as Ben invited Marc over for dinner. The friendly banter then leads to love-filled looks which then leads to kissing, but the scene cuts before anything gets too hot and heavy. Thank God for small favors, Jensen thinks. 

Hoots and hollers startle Jensen into awareness. They all seem to be directed at Misha, who walks in wearing a tight, navy blue sweater with the sleeves rolled to his elbows and a pair of pants that look halfway to that of dress pants and fancy jeans. His hair looks like it’s stylishly messy and his stubble is almost nonexistent. 

No wonder the crew is whistling at him, he really looks damn good. 

Jensen grimaces at that thought because what the fuck and instead gets back to rehearsing his lines. Misha asks to take a minute to do so as well, and the crew gets into position. Jensen feels a light sweat breakout against his hairline and quickly wipes it with the back of his hand. An assistant suddenly appears at his side asking if he needs water or a towel and Jensen waves him off. He can do this. 

Jensen and Misha both sit down at the table with the already made food (which smells really good) and begin to eat as they wait for Robbie to yell “action”. He does and Jensen is the first to start. “Thanks for coming,” he says, ducking his head shyly. “I didn’t know if you’d agree after…after everything that happened.”

Misha slurps up a pasta noodle almost comically and replies, “I did…I did think about it, Ben. Whether it’d be a good idea to-to be alone with you after all this time.”

Jensen – Ben – sets the fork down heavily after the declaration, eyes wide as he looks at Marc. “What do you mean?” he asks. 

Misha too sets his fork down and stares so affectionately at Jensen…Ben…that Jensen takes a couple seconds to school his face appropriately.

“I never stopped loving you,” he says, so softly that Jensen can barely hear him. Jensen swears he hears a crew member sniffle in the background. “I wanted to. But, Ben, you were the one shining light in my life, and I can’t believe I lost it – lost you – after all this time. I’ve just been walking in darkness.”

Jesus Christ Robbie can you get any sappier? Jensen thinks to himself before he remembers he’s supposed to look shocked. “You really feel that way? About me?”

Misha nods, reaching a hand out across the table with the palm up. They both know for a fact that this isn’t scripted, but it seems appropriate for the emotionally charged scene, so Jensen takes the hand with his own. Misha’s hand is warm and soft against his, and Jensen tries really hard not to think too much more about it. 

“I love you, Ben,” Marc declares, then with Ben’s hand enclosed in his, stands up so that they are facing each other next to the table. They’re so close now that Jensen can see the different colored speckles within Misha’s eyes, can even see some of the tiny acne scars. The set lights are hitting him at just the right angle to highlight all his best features. Suddenly, it’s not just Ben who wants to kiss him. 

They don’t say anything as they lean in for the kiss. Jensen doesn’t even realize he’s taken the other hand and threaded it in Misha’s soft curls, fingernails scratching at the base of his scalp. In return, Misha places a hand on the side of his face, thumb rubbing softly on his two day old stubble. 

Despite the whole thing feeling like an eternity, in reality it only lasts a few seconds before they’re both pulling away. Robbie yells “cut” followed by a “perfect” and suddenly Misha is out of his arms and halfway across set and on his way out. Jensen blinks and stares dumbfounded at the place where Misha just was. 

Robbie approaches him first, clapping him on the back. “That was amazing, Jensen. Holy crap the viewers are going to eat that up! Keep it up and you might get nominated for Best TV Chemistry with Misha.” 

Jensen laughs humorlessly. “Uh, thanks Robbie.” 

“No problem. You’re done for the day, so go home, get some rest, and I’ll see you in another week.” 

Robbie walks off set, whistling the fucking bastard, until Jensen hears a set of heavy, Sasquatch-type footsteps behind him. He closes his eyes in anticipation for the shit Jared is going to give him. 

Jared makes a low, surprised whistle and puts a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. Why is everyone so touchy today? 

“Wow,” Jared says, shaking his head, hair flopping all over his face. “That was…something.”

“Shut up,” Jensen says defensively, shrugging off the hand. “I’d like to see you try and do a sex scene with another dude without wanting to vomit.” 

Jared laughs, like he’s onto Jensen’s shenanigans. “Oh would you now? Don’t worry you’ll get there before me.” Then he winks, leaving Jensen to stew in his anger. 

He needs to call Danneel. 

In the safety of his trailer, he takes out his phone and dials her number. He hopes she isn’t busy because he really needs to vent. She answers on the fourth ring, sounding a little breathless. “Hey, what’s up?”

Jensen furrows his eyebrows. “Hey, uh, what are you doing?”

He hears a beep before Danneel says, “I’m at the gym. I’ll take a break though if you need me to.”

Jensen wiggles his fingers because he really doesn’t want to bother her during her workout but he also really needs to get everything off his chest. He feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn’t. 

“Yeah…yeah I need you too.”

“Oh no,” she says. “What happened?”

“Nothing just….I kissed Misha today.” 

“Your co-worker Misha? Oh god Jen—“

“NO! No nothing like that. It was for a scene. It was scripted. C’mon Dani you know I wouldn’t do that…gross.” Jensen makes a few, albeit exaggerated, disgusted noises. Danneel seems to take him at face value for it.

“Oh! So…how was he?” Jensen can hear the teasing tone in her voice and sighs. Why did he even bother?

Jensen gestures a hand in the air vaguely, trying to come up with the accurate words to describe it. Amazing. Hot. I wanted to kiss him before he even kissed me. “It was…normal. It was just a few second long kiss as his character admitted he was still in love with me.”

“Awww. Robbie’s getting sappier and sappier each episode, huh?” She laughs. “Well, I don’t know why you’re telling me this or freaking out for that matter. Sounded like it went smoothly and you didn’t panic as much as you thought you would.” 

“That’s my issue! I-I kissed a guy and didn’t really panic about it!” He can feel his heartbeat speed up and his hands are getting clammy. He’s slowly but surely on his way to a panic attack. How ironic. 

There’s a pause and Danneel loses all tease in her voice. “Do you need me, Jen?”

He sits down on the coffee table, hand covered over his eyes as he ponders that question. Does he? It’d be some time for her to drive over to him, a couple of hours at least, but fuck if he doesn’t feel pathetic. He knows, deep down, he really shouldn’t be stressing over this…over Misha. Over the whole gay thing. It’s his job as an actor to act. And just because he acts doesn’t mean he is. He really needs to swallow down whatever this feeling is and do his fucking job.

“No” he finally replies. “No, I’m okay. I’ll talk to you later Danneel. Thanks.”

She sighs. “Of course. Bye Jensen.”

He hangs up, clutching the phone in his hand as he stares at a wall. Then he chuckles, low and deep, rising in intensity until it’s full blown laughter. 

Okay maybe he’s only slightly losing it.

~

Another month goes by during shooting, and Jensen has had relatively safe scenes with Misha. A few times, Misha invited Jensen out to dinner, and a couple times he indulged him, asking if he could bring Jared along. Something flashed across Misha’s eyes that Jensen couldn’t quite read before he’d consent with a nod and a smile.

Jared and Misha get along…sort of. Jared thinks Misha is the perfect target for his pranking, and has been relentless in ruining Misha’s life. Normally, Misha takes it all in good fun, laughing when appropriate, even shot back at Jared a few times that earned a well-deserved pout from the man as he attempted to clean pennies out of his trailer. But Jensen has had to intervene more than once before things escalated. Normally, he would defend Misha, but apparently it’s been enough times that Jared’s taken notice.

“Dude, what the hell? You sound like his mother all of a sudden,” says Jared on a Wednesday afternoon. They’re on break for lunch, and Jensen just got done lecturing Jared about how knocking a pie into Misha’s face at that speed would result in a potential injury. 

“I am not! I’m serious, Jay, that amount of force could’ve broken his nose or something.” Jensen chews defensively on an apple, not bothering to look at Jared. He knows the look he’s sporting right now is one of curiosity and disbelief. 

“Wow,” is all he says. Jensen feels like shit when Jared shakes his head and leaves the food area. But he’s holding his ground. What’s wrong with being concerned for the well-being of a friend? 

For one thing, you’ve never come to Jared’s defense when shit got intense.

Okay his subconscious has a point. But this was different. Jared has never been in actual danger like this before. Sure, Misha said he was fine and thought it was all really fun. And sure, Jensen had just one day previously shoved a pie in Misha’s face, albeit a lot less forcefully, and it resulted in them nearly wrestling right there in the middle of location. But Jared…Jared took it too far. Simple as that. 

Jensen finishes eating pretty quickly after essentially losing his appetite. He has to be on set again soon for a few shots with Jared and Gen, but for the moment, all he really wants to do is lie on his bed in his trailer and just forget about today. Or really just forget about the whole pranking thing. 

He decides to wander around, enjoying the crisp, pleasantly warm air of California. There’s a few clouds, too thin to be anything except making the scene more picturesque, and it actually brighten Jensen’s mood slightly. He says hi to the people in hair and makeup, to the actor wranglers (people who go around gathering the actors when they’re needed on set), to special effects guys, and the producers. They’re only on season two but it sure does feel like a family.

When Jensen finds himself at his trailer, he lets himself in. He eyes the box filled with fan letters and gifts. He’s been putting it off for god knows how long now. They’re all excited about the new season, having no idea what to except.

Well, you’re in for a real treat people.

Deciding that there’s not much else to do anyway, Jensen heaves the box onto the coffee table and begins shuffling through the myriad of objects inside. Some are just letters (with and without tear stains), some are letters with gifts attached, and some are honest to God gifts that Jensen never quite knows how to react to. 

The first letter he grabs is in a pink envelope. He opens as delicately as he can, trying to preserve the pretty envelope, and extracts the letter. It’s a sheet of notebook paper with little doodle drawings done in pen all around. Inside it reads:

Dear Jensen Ackles,

Hi! My name’s Jessica! I can’t believe I’m attempting to write you. You probably won’t even read this since there’s just SO many girls clambering to just say hi. Anyway, I guess if you do read this (omg), then all I want to say is thank you. Thank you for being Ben Westchester and bringing meaning to my life. I got into Yearly Divide right as it aired and have loved it ever sense. I can’t wait to see where the character goes next season. Also please please please ask Robbie to do more scenes with you and Jared! I feel like there’s never enough.

Jared is literally in every episode, but whatever. He continues reading.

Oh gosh now I’m pulling a blank but…you’re just so special to me and so is Jared both of you can do ANYTHING and it’s just so inspiring. I really hope they don’t add another character to get in between that because no…just no. You’re also so FREAKING GORGEOUS WOW and oh man I should probably stop writing before I embarrass myself. Again thank you.

Sincerely,

Jessica

There’s a mess of hearts around Jensen’s name in the beginning, and one solitary star next to Jessica’s. “Hate to break it to ya Jessica, but we did include another character and it’s going to be crazy.” He chuckles because now he’s talking to his fanmail. Great. Peachy.

He grabs another letter that looks like a mini flag is attached to it. It’s striped colors of purple, pink, and blue. Jensen slowly tears it off, waving it because it’s actually kind of cute. He knows the colors are supposed to represent something, but he really has no clue what. Maybe the letter will provide him some insight. 

He tears this a little more forcefully since he’s running out of time before being needed back on set and takes out the paper inside. This one is typed on white printer paper. 

Hi Jensen!

My name’s Aden. I don’t really know where to start, but mostly I just really wanted to maybe discuss your character Ben. He really fascinates me, and I see a little of myself in him. Attached you’ll find a flag representing bisexuality.

Jensen blanches at that, eyeballing the now motionless flag on the table. Jensen sort of wants to roll the paper into a ball and toss it out, but that would be incredibly rude, and, honestly, he really doesn’t have the heart to be a douchebag celebrity like that. He knows these people take their time to write or make these, and to just throw them out would be incredibly heartless. He soldiers on anyway. He owes the kid at least that.

Bisexuality has to do with liking two or more genders, and I identify as bisexual myself. And a lot of that stemmed from seeing myself in Ben. To me, Ben is totally bisexual, but we just don’t know it yet. Sure we’ve seen him sleep with plenty of women and that’s nice and all. But there have been these fleeting looks he gives men, and a lot of the cinematography alludes to Ben being bisexual. It all seems so intentional. So I really hope that maybe you can, like, pitch it to Robbie or something? I think he’d be cool enough to do it. It’d mean a lot to your LGBT fans if you did. I also just wanted to say how much I love you and how much you inspire me as a person and how much the show means to me. I’ll continue to be a dedicated fan no matter what.

Best,

Aden

Jensen’s grip is tight on the flimsy paper as it starts to crinkle under the onslaught. Well, at least Aden will get his wish of Ben being bisexual. But the reality of the whole thing really hits Jensen then. There are fans out there who want this, who want Ben to be bisexual, and Jensen is supposed to deliver. How can he, a straight man, really do that? Sure, he’s kissed Misha once and that was fine. But what if…what if he has to do a sex scene? The thought of rolling around with another dude in bed is just…wrong. There’s never enough Scarlet Johansson fantasies to nullify that.

He thought he was okay with it and would continue with it. But now…it’s too real and Jensen feels threatened. Especially since the kiss he had with Misha has more than once made an abrupt appearance in his dreams.

Jensen tosses the letter back into the bin and calls Robbie immediately. He answers on the third ring with a stern, “Robbie Thompson. What can I do for you?”

“Robbie? It’s Jensen. We need to talk.”

Robbie sighs in a long suffering way. “The answer is no.”

“No? You don’t even know what I’m going to say!”

“You’re having triple thoughts about the Ben and Marc relationship and you want out. And the answer is no.” Robbie’s quiet for a moment and Jensen can hear some shuffling, like he’s making space to put his elbows on his desk. “I don’t get all the holdups, Jensen. Or what your homophobic deal is. But I won’t tolerate it. You have a contract for 23 episodes this season and you’re going to fulfill them.”

Damn, Robbie sure is being a real dick about the whole thing. Jensen inhales, hand not holding his cellphone clutching tightly on the top of his thigh. How dare Robbie speak to him that way?

“You have no right,” Jensen says instead of what he really wants to say which is “fuck you”.

“As your boss, I do. Many other self-proclaimed straight males have done and will do it, Jensen. You’re a big boy. I’m sure you can too.”

“But…but what will everyone think? My friends? My family? God forbid I have a sex scene—“

“Berens is working on that so—“

“WHAT?”

“So, who cares what they think? If they can’t separate reality from fiction, then they aren’t really supportive of you are they?” Robbie’s tone is a little more forceful now instead of exasperated, like he’s lecturing Jensen. “So far, no one I’ve talk to has had any issue or has judged you in any way. They all think the plotline is a great addition, and so should you.”

“Even Misha?” Jensen asks. He doesn’t know why, but knowing that Misha, his counterpart to all of this, is okay with it might help alleviate any remaining issues. 

“Yes, even Misha. Hell, he’s practically willing to let us do anything to him if it means more scenes with you.”

That…that’s slightly comforting actually. 

“’m sorry, Robbie. I-I read a piece of fanmail and the fan was really looking forward to Ben maybe being bisexual and I kind of panicked.”

Robbie laughs. “Oh Jensen. Was that what sparked all of this?”

“Yes,” he admits.

“Then you should take it to heart that a fan within a community that is almost never represented on mainstream media is feeling enough hope that your character could be bi.”

“And now he is.”

“You’re right. And now he is. So please, continue doing what you do best, and let us handle the rest, okay? It’ll all be worth it.”

“Yeah.”

“Good. I have to go. I have a meeting. But keep your chin up, okay?”

The tension between them that started in the first place has dissipated significantly, and Jensen is pretty grateful for that. “Yeah, yeah man. See ya.”

“Bye.”

Jensen tosses his phone on the table, eyeing between the box and the bisexual pride flag. He picks up the flag and wiggles it. Maybe everything will be alright. Maybe playing a bisexual character doesn’t mean he is or will ever become bisexual himself. Right?

~

Jensen’s halfway done reading through the script for episode six when he becomes white as a sheet. Ben and Marc are kissing before they knock into the bed, falling onto it together. They take off each other’s clothes, bodies close. 

Marc: I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve missed it.

Ben: Me too.

Robbie warned Jensen this was coming. And, of course, it was written by Robert Berens, their one openly gay writer on the team. Actually, he’d probably be the best candidate to write this scene out of everyone. But it’s the sixth episode in. Episode one is going to be airing tomorrow, and the whole world will know Ben is bisexual.

Jensen inhales a few times. Deep breathes, Ackles. You’ve got this. 

He dutifully goes over his lines like he’s supposed to, but every time he gets to the sex scene he blanks. There’s really not much talking except for those two lines. Lots of kissing, lots of rolling around to indicate sex, and lots of skin on skin. But that’s about it for details. What’s he supposed to do? Run his hands through Misha’s dark, sweaty hair? Kiss all the places on his face? Is he supposed to be rough? Sweet? 

He needs to talk with Misha about this ahead of time.

Misha should be in his trailer. It’s about 1 in the morning, as they’ve been on set working for hours now. But every time they finish, they are almost always too amped up to go to sleep. Jensen particularly likes to watch late night TV until he becomes too groggy to keep his eyes open. Now, after obsessively going over the lines for episode six, he couldn’t attempt to sleep even if he tried.

Apparently Misha is the same way because when he opens the door, he’s in a t-shirt and sweatpants holding the script in one hand and a mug of tea or something in the other. 

“Hey, Jen,” he says amicably, letting Jensen pass inside. Misha’s trailer looks like everybody else’s, except maybe being a bit bigger since he’s a main character. Jared has the largest trailer as he’s first on the call sheet. 

There’s a teapot sitting on the stove, and Jensen thinks it’s a great idea to pour himself a cup too. They sit on the couch, each drinking their tea happily. 

“So,” Misha says. 

“Yeah, I…uh….need some help.”

“With our scene?”

Jensen gulps. The hot tea feels good on his throat. “Yep.”

“Okay. I have a few ideas actually, if you want to hear.”

“Shoot.”

“Well, I was thinking maybe we can….um….make it slow? You know it’s Ben and Marc’s first time being…intimate in a long time. And clearly they still care about each other so…um….they should be slow about it, like they’re relearning each other’s bodies and what the other likes.”

Jensen’s eyes trail over Misha’s face. His eyes are sharp in the soft lamplight, pieces of hair scattered like he’s been running his hands through them, mouth perpetually chapped but soft-looking. This…this won’t be so hard.

“Right. I, uh, I agree.”

Misha shifts, licking his lips, eyes downcast. “Should we practice?”

Just like that, the whole scene breaks, the tension zipping right out of the room to be replaced with uneasiness and fear. “What? No. Who even does that, man?”

Misha blinks and clears his throat. Whatever emotion was there is gone in a flash. He smiles cheekily. “Clearly not me. I was just testing you, Jackles.”

Jensen’s muscles relax and he banters back easily, “You son of a bitch. Knew I couldn’t trust you.”

Misha mock gasps, hand on his heart. This is good. This is easy. Jensen is familiar with this, with Misha’s weird sense of humor. “You trusted me? Oh man, you’re worse off than I thought.”

“You never thought I was bad. You secretly worship me.”

“Please. Reign in your ego, Ackles. Unless you want Texas to secede from the United States so that your ego can go in its place.”

“Ouch.”

They’re both laughing now, everything back to normal. Misha’s a good friend. He doesn’t want to lose him as one, not over this damn fictional couple that’s for sure. But…it was strange that Misha wanted to practice. What does that mean? Is he actually looking forward to the sex scene? 

“Hey, uh, Mish,”

“Hmm?”

“I need you to be honest with me here but…why did you want to practice?” 

Misha averts his gaze immediately, biting his bottom lip. His hand shoots straight to the back of his neck to rub at it, and Jensen tenses. He knows well enough that that is a sign Misha is uncomfortable and trying to come up with words to get out of this conversation.

“You know what? Nevermind. I’ll just…go.” Jensen makes to move, but Misha catches him by the wrist. Jensen, completely startled, stares at the hand, then follows it to Misha’s face. He still looks a bit nervous, but his eyes have gotten way intense, sort of like how they do on Yearly Divide. Jensen’s only had maybe 8 scenes total with him but already has discovered the nuisances of not only the character but of Misha himself. 

Misha’s still looking at him. He goes to open his mouth two or three times, but whatever is meant to come out is stymied by…something. Jensen has no clue what. 

Eventually, Misha swallows and lets go of Jensen’s wrist. He’s deadly serious when he says, “You won’t understand.”

Against his better judgment, Jensen pushes further. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

The seriousness dies at the word, Misha’s mask falling into place once more. Strangely, Jensen is concerned over this, wants to really know what’s going on inside Misha’s head, not the persona he puts on. Jensen acknowledges in the end with a slight hand wave before he leaves Misha’s trailer.  
Something happened there. He knows that much. He just hopes it doesn’t affect their friendship. Or at least doesn’t affect it in a negative way. 

~

The day arrives much too quickly for Jensen, but he puts on his brave face as he appears on set. He heads to hair and makeup, which really only requires some touchups to cover his freckles and fluff his hair into an artful mess. But it’s familiar to him as he watches his reflection in the mirror getting ready. He repeats some of the lines in a whisper.

In that moment, Jared appears, and takes a seat next to Jensen. Another lady comes in and begins brushing Jared’s long, wavy hair. 

They haven’t really talked since Jensen blew up on him about the whole pranks thing. Right now, he really needs his best friend because he feels like his insides are turning to mush, sitting heavy and uncomfortable. 

“Hey, man,” Jensen says tentatively.

“Yo,” Jared says, not looking at Jensen.

“We cool?”

Jared turns his head just enough to see Jensen in his peripheral. It’s the best he can do without pissing off the hair lady. “Uh, why?”

“Well, the whole…pranks thing. Me defending Mish. Thought you were still mad at me.”

Jared makes a snorting sound. “Nah. I’m over that, man.”

Jensen ponders this before saying, “Well good because you really are a giant prick to him and—“

“Shut up, you jerk.”

Jensen laughs. He’s really glad things are back to normal. 

“Hey, your sex scene with Misha is today right?”

Jensen’s good humor immediately vanishes. He slightly glares at his reflection when he sees his hair lady smirk as she continues on with practically doing nothing to his hair at this rate. She’s stalling because, clearly, this is juicy information for her. 

“Yep.” He purposely doesn’t elaborate.

“Nervous?”

Every bone in Jensen’s body is nervous but he isn’t going to tell Jared that. “No, not really. It’s just like all my other sex scenes. Kiss. Roll around a bit. Bada-boom and done.”

Jared isn’t buying it, though, when he says, “Right.” 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “C’mon, Jay.”

“Jensen, you and I both know you’re full of crap. Not only is this your first sex scene with another guy but it’s also with a friend. All those girls you had fake sex with were just guests. I’m sure you don’t even remember their names.” Jensen, sadly, has to agree with that. “But Misha is different and you know it. You better give it all you got and not make this weird for either of you.”

Too late. Already is weird, as he thinks about the other night in Misha’s trailer. 

Jensen gives him the thumbs up before batting the hair lady away. He’s due on set soon and he still needs to visit wardrobe. 

Once done with them, he arrives on set, feeling more nervous than he was before, which isn’t a good sign. That is until he sees Misha come in too. He’s wearing a blue robe, hair also artfully tossed. When they spot each other across the way, Misha smiles at Jensen, one of those secretive smiles that Jensen has only really seen directed at him. 

Just like that, the weight is lifted. 

The director tells them that they can keep their underclothes on, since the scene will only be shot from the waist up. Jensen’s thankful because he’s worn cock socks before and just…no thank you. Too much exposure for a stranger for his liking. To do it with a friend though? A thousand times worse. 

The director shouts at everyone who isn’t in the scene to get off set. Misha removes his robe and Jensen is nearly on the floor from all the blood that leaves his head. 

Misha’s just so…lean. He’s got well-defined muscles, strong shoulders, tight pectoral muscles, sharp hipbones, and the skin is just so tan, like he spends a lot of time in the sun. Jensen nearly forgets to breathe, which is weird since he shouldn’t be ogling Misha like this. 

This type of ogling is usually reserved for the bikini-clad girls he sees when he goes to the California beaches. Not Misha. His friend. His very male friend. 

They lock eyes then, and it’s super electrified, like they’re the only two people in the room as cliché as it sounds. It’s so bad that several people clear their throats around them, and Jensen suddenly remembers he’s supposed to disrobe too. 

He does so with a click in his throat as he swallows. He and Misha climb into the bed. It’s very soft and comfy and silky. His leg hairs scratch against the material and he sighs. He hears Misha chuckle under his breath next to him. 

Everything is going to be fantastic.

The scene starts with Misha’s head pillowed on Jensen’s chest with Jensen’s arm slung around his shoulder. They’re talking about all the stuff that happened in their lives that they missed out on, until things start to get heavy with the declaration that Marc misses Ben. 

The director calls Action! and Jensen starts his lines, “Remember when we went to that carnival.”

Misha chuckles, low and soft in his ear. Jensen’s hair stands on end and he feels this overwhelming need to pull Misha closer. “I do. We had sex near an abandoned concession stand.”

Misha’s head tilts up so that he’s looking directly at Jensen. There’s so much love and adoration in his eyes that Jensen’s breath is momentarily taken away. He almost forgets his lines but shakes out of it just in time. To everyone, it looks like Jensen took that moment to reminisce, not that he, like a total newbie, nearly forgot his lines because of his coworker. 

“Yeah, good times. A 10-year-old nearly caught us too.”

They both laugh at that. And then suddenly Misha is on top of him and holy shit this isn’t in the script what—but then Misha’s talking, saying the telltale lines, “I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve missed it.”

Jensen swallows and says, “Me too.”

They share another staring moment before Jensen, of all people, raises his head up to initiate the kiss. It’s soft at first, and Jensen doesn’t remember sharing a kiss so small and chaste like this, not even with Danneel. Misha hums at the action, sinking deeper on top of Jensen, letting his body weight crush him.

Normally, Jensen would be slightly put off by this. But for some reason having Misha’s weight on top of him feels right in a weird way, so he doesn’t protest. Instead, he brings a hand up into Misha’s hair, gripping the soft strands between his fingers as he deepens the kiss. 

In acting, there’s the “no tongue rule” when it comes to on-screen kissing. When two actors have to make out, usually there’s an unspoken rule that they are to keep their tongues inside their own mouths, and the trick is to make it look like tongues are being used when they aren’t. That’s just how it is. And Jensen has never broken that unspoken rule.

Until now.

When he feels Misha’s tongue tip poke at his lips, seeking entrance, Jensen opens his eyes wide. He prays the actual camera film is on something other than Jensen’s face because he really did just break character then, and that would be embarrassing. Misha though seems totally unfazed and keeps insisting. His hands wander on Jensen’s neck and torso, hot brands caressing his oversensitive flesh, and Jensen is just so overwhelmed right now.

So he blanks out and lets feeling take over. 

He pushes up then, allowing Misha to sit in his lap as his arms wrap around the older man’s upper body. The skin is strong and soft, and Jensen revels in it. Deep in his subconscious he knows he’s fucking up, and that somewhere the boob-loving heterosexual is having a meltdown, but he ignores it for now. 

Jensen allows Misha to kiss him thoroughly and sweetly. It’s like bathing under a rainbow, being in Misha’s arms like this. They break for air and Jensen immediately goes straight for Misha’s neck next, sealing his lips to the tendon sticking out. Misha moans and Jensen feels it shoot straight to his slightly interested dick. 

Misha makes aborted hip thrusts underneath the sheets that aren’t really doing much for covering them up, and Jensen thrusts back on autopilot. The euphoria of the moment is clouding his judgment to the point where all he wants to do is take and take, to have Misha writhing under him as he takes him apart.

But then Misha rolls them over, kissing heavily for a few more seconds, and then the director is calling Cut! and everything shatters like unstable glass. 

Jensen snaps his head back so roughly he feels a pang there and quickly scrambles out of the bed. He trips on his way out, trying to find his robe to cover himself (more realistically his erection) because right now he’s feeling very exposed and vulnerable. He needs to get out fast. 

Once the material is secured, he gives one last glance at Misha who’s still in the bed, hair fucked six ways from Sunday, breathing heavily, and Jensen just can’t handle this. 

“I’m not gay,” he whispers to himself, but apparently it was loud enough for Misha to hear amongst the chattering for he suddenly looks down and covers himself as much as he can with the blanket. 

Jensen shakes his head and jogs out. He heads for the one sanctuary in this place where he can get a modicum of privacy – his trailer. 

He shuts and locks the door once he steps inside, sliding down the door onto the floor. He cups his face in his hands, trying to take steadying breathes. 

What the fuck just happened?

~

He avoids Misha like the goddamn Bubonic plague for what seems like an eternity. Jared and Gen have both checked up on him multiple times, to which he tells them very sternly he’s fine. Jared does attempt to get a lecture in stating, “I told you not to fuck this up so what do you do? Go and fuck this up.” To which Jensen replies he can go shove it.

He spends a lot of time in his trailer drinking, counting down the days to when he can go back to his own home, to be away from filming and Misha for a little while. He needs to get his head back on straight, fuck a few girls, reassert and realign himself. He can’t do that while on set. 

Although, he does call Danneel two days before he’s given the green light to go home for a brief break. She answers on the second ring. “Hi, sweetie!”

“Hi, DeeDee.”

“DeeDee? Oh no. You haven’t called me that since we were dating. Something happened. Big time.” There’s some shuffling on the line, rustling of clothes, and Jensen realizes then that he’s calling Danneel at 2:00 in the morning and feels like a total jerk.

“Fuck, I’m sorry I’m calling you so late.”

“No problem, Jen,” A door shuts and it’s silent once more. “What’s going on? Did something go wrong with Misha?”

No. Not really. That’s the whole issue. Everything went incredibly well. And Jensen went and fucked it up.

“I need some advice.”

“About Misha,” she says. Jensen groans. “Don’t tiptoe around me with this Jensen. Also, if you guys aren’t getting along I can always find you new gigs. Lots of big executive producers would gladly have you. They’re practically salivating at the idea.” 

Jensen rolls the idea around in his head but decides that’s the dumbest decision he can make right now. He’d lose so much right now, like Jared and Gen and Mark and, begrudgingly, Misha as well. 

“It’s…about him, yeah. But we’re not,” Jensen waves a hand in the air in lieu of actual words. 

Danneel hums. “You’re not what?”

“We’re not…incompatible I guess.”

“Oh? That’s good news. Although I already knew this.”

“Yeah but we…filmed the sex scene.”

“Just now?”

“No,” Jensen admits sheepishly. “It was about…two weeks ago.”

This time Danneel groans long and loud, clearly irritated. “And let me guess, you panicked and haven’t spoken to him since?”

Jensen closes his eyes, closed fist on his forehead. “Yep.”

“Jensen Ross Ackles.”

“Elta Danneel Harris,” Jensen retorts. “We can sit here and act like stern mothers all day but I really need some advice here from the one person I can really trust.”

Danneel’s anger calms significantly after that. They both know how important they are to each other, and when Jensen is in serious distress he almost always comes to Danneel. She’ll never live it down if she doesn’t help him when he needs it. 

Jensen takes the time them to summarize what happened to Danneel. He ponders for a moment whether he should include all the thoughts and feelings he was having before, during, and after the sex scene, and finally decides that if he really wants to get the best advice out of Danneel, he shouldn’t withhold any information. 

“So yeah. I enjoyed holding him and kissing him. But while my body was okay with it, my mind was going crazy over how not me this is.”

“Hmmm.” She’s silent as she thinks, and Jensen gets more and more anxious the longer she’s quiet. “I think maybe your body is trying to tell you something. Maybe even your mind.”

“How?”

“Well, clearly you’re attracted to him…sexually…” Jensen winces at that but doesn’t interrupt. “And you’re also clearly very good friends. Your mind and body are warring with that because your body wants your mind to connect that sexual attraction to a more…general attraction. Does that make sense?”

He thinks so, but it’s still all really complicated. Why can’t everything just be black and white? Why can’t his body not betray him?

“So,” she continues. “You need to either reign in your body. Or you need to just…accept that maybe you have a crush on your best buddy.”

Jensen snorts. Maybe, if things were different, he could actually do that – get over all his internalized shit and maybe explore whatever is going on with him and Misha (because it is also clearly reciprocated on Misha’s part) – but the sad reality is that Misha is married. 

“Won’t happen, Dee.”

“Why?”

“He’s married. To a woman. For over 14 years.”

“Oh…”

Jensen sighs because that “oh” is a sign that Danneel has hit a roadblock. Great. Fucking peachy. He gets advice that he can’t even really act on because of Misha being married.

Then she says, “Still, you should tell him anyway. He deserves that much.”

“What?” Jensen is appalled right now. That’s, like, rule number 3 of the buddy friendship – never tell your married buddy you have a crush on him. “No way. I’m not going to tell him that. Our friendship is already messed up as it is. It’s like adding another log to the already burning fire.”

“Jensen…you won’t ever forgive yourself if you don’t tell him. Even if nothing happens.”

“When nothing happens. I-I can’t. I can’t.”

Danneel sighs. “Alright. I won’t force you, but do keep that in mind. I know you’re not one for feeling regretful. When you’ve got your mind on something, you do it. Always have.”

He doesn’t really respond to that, doesn’t want to respond to that, so he just says, “’K. Goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you too. Goodnight.”

Jensen’s sleep is restless and fraught with images of Misha’s blue eyes and soft smile and tough skin. He wakes up only 4 hours later, feeling a lot like Ben on a normal day, and decides he might as well be productive. 

It’s about 8 in the morning before he’s finally ready and dressed to face the day, counting down the minutes until when he can go on leave, when he runs smack into Misha. 

He startles as he knocks shoulders with Misha, nearly stumbling and falling flat onto his face. He turns to see Misha wearing ray bans and a dark cap. His stubble is very dark and pronounced like he hasn’t shaved in days, and his clothes are raggedy and baggy. Jensen muses that Misha really looks like shit. Either the workload is finally getting to him or he’s more torn up over this than Jensen originally thought. 

“Hey Jen,” Misha says, licking his lips, staring right at Jensen despite the sunglasses. 

“Mish.” He avoids Misha’s gaze though because he can’t really look his friend in the eye anymore now that, to him, it’s practically out in the open he has a crush on him. 

“Are you…um…going somewhere? Do you have a moment to talk?” he asks, thumb pointing towards his own trailer. 

Jensen really just wanted to go to the gym to get all his frustrations out, so technically he really doesn’t have anywhere to be. “No. I mean…yeah I can talk.”

Misha smiles. “Good. Follow me.”

Jensen gulps and follows Misha to his trailer, knowing very well that shit is about to go down. Either he’s going to chicken out on the whole thing or he’s going to admit to his friend he likes him and then immediately get rejected six ways from Sunday, maybe even losing a friendship. Tucking tail and running for the hills sounds the most appealing right now. 

When they get to Misha’s trailer, it’s surprisingly cool inside despite the warm air of California, but Jensen doesn’t mind. Maybe he can fake a cold chill out of this whole situation. Unlikely but a guy can dream. 

They don’t say anything as Misha walks to his fridge and grabs two beers. Jensen sits on the couch kind of stiffly, sitting all the way to one side hoping Misha will take the other side farthest away from him. His hands are in his lap and his shoulders are tense. Misha, on the other hand, despite looking terrible, looks as cool as a cucumber as he sets the beers on the coffee table and takes a seat. He’s not as far away as Jensen would like him to be but he’ll take what he can get. 

In the deafening silence, Jensen wonders how much of an asshole he’ll be if he just decides to up and leave without saying a word. It’s terribly awkward. The awkwardness is stifling, worse than when they sat together alone for the first time in Jensen’s trailer. 

Then Misha speaks. 

“You did well in our last scene together,” Misha says, staring at Jensen. Jensen just stares right back because what? It’s the last thing he expected Misha to say considering what had happened. Maybe this is his way of slowly easing both himself and Jensen into the conversation. He’s not really sure how to respond though.

“Uh, thanks. You…you too.” 

Misha nods, playing with the top of the beer bottle with his bottom lip. “I thought so. See, you and I both thought it went well. Except the whole,” he gestures the beer bottle around in the air, searching for words, “saying you’re not gay thing and running out of there like your pants were on fire. Which is fine.”

Misha turns to face Jensen head on, face a mixture of intense concentration and slight amusement. Except it looks extremely wrong for the entire situation. “But here’s the thing. I haven’t seen you anywhere in forever. It’s almost like you’re…avoiding me, yeah?”

Jensen gulps but doesn’t give a response. It’s true, but he really doesn’t want to admit it to Misha. How fucked up would that be to admit to your friend that you’ve been avoiding them while you panic over your very homosexual crush with a married man.

“Jen…are you avoiding me?”

Jensen quickly grabs the other beer and gulps half if it down rather quickly. He can’t…won’t…be sober for this. “Yeah, Mish. I am.”

“May I ask why?”

Jensen takes another large drink, twisting the bottle nervously in his hands. He honest to God doesn’t know what to do or say. 

“No.”

Misha laughs at that, but it comes out more forceful and irritated. “Right. Okay. Just continue fucking up our on-screen chemistry for the show since you won’t talk to me. I’m sure Robbie will just love that.”

“Shut up!” Jensen shouts. “You have no idea what I’ve been going through since that that...scene, man. My head feels like it’s going to explode and just…fuck!” Jensen stands up suddenly and points an accusatory finger at Misha. “You fucked up the good life I was leading. I’m making money; I’m getting fame; I have good friends; I was sleeping with so many women. But then you had to come in and mess it all up.”

Jensen turns away from Misha then, feeling the anger slowly bleed out to be replaced by sadness and regret. Did he really just accuse Misha of ruining his life? Because of his own fucked up feelings for him?

Misha sucks in a deep breath of air behind Jensen and says, “I see. I’m glad to know now what’s been having you on edge and why you’ve been ignoring me.” 

Every cell in Jensen’s body is screaming to turn around and apologize, but something is stopping him from doing so. Maybe this is what he needs to do to get these feelings for Misha out of his system. Creating as much distance as possible is always the best option for situations like these. 

“Can you leave, please?” Misha asks in a low tone. There’s something seriously wrong with Jensen that he can hear how broken it sounds but won’t do anything about it. 

Before he knows it, he’s back in his own trailer, half lying on the couch with a few fingers of scotch in a glass, while tears track down his face. 

~

It was inevitable that Misha and him would have a scene together again after The Incident. But literally the day after their little fight? It just seemed too coincidental. And Misha was 100% right when he said their on-screen chemistry wasn’t what it was. The crew is probably going to go on a strike if Jensen or Misha don’t start getting their shit together real quick. They’re already on take 15 with almost no useable footage because Misha keeps avoiding getting anywhere near Jensen despite their characters dating. 

And Jensen just keeps messing up his lines because it’s slightly breaking his heart seeing Misha shy away from him like a kicked dog. But it’s something that needed to be done, so he tries shaking himself out of those thoughts. The quicker he can do this the quicker he can start his break. 

Ben and Marc are supposed to be going out on a double date with Liam and Sapphire (Jared and Gen’s characters), and right now the footage they’re trying to shoot is Ben and Marc getting ready at Ben’s apartment. Then they’re supposed to move on to the actual date. Jensen will feel marginally better having Jared there if they could just get to the damn part already. 

After 5 more takes, Phill Sgriccia, the director for this episode, calls for everyone to take a 30 minute break, giving a stern look to Jensen and Misha that basically translates to get over whatever you two are feeling so that the day doesn’t feel like it’s been wasted. Jensen gives a half smile to Phil before heading to the nearby snack table. He grabs a few granola bars and a bottle of water and retreats off set to somewhere relatively quietly. In the back of his mind, he wishes Misha will follow. 

But when he’s halfway done with his second granola bar, he realizes it’s not going to happen. He just feels like shit all around. He hopes that his break will remake himself as a new man, cleansed of his feelings for Misha and his acting game strong once more. 

After tossing his trash away, he appears back on set with a few minutes to spare but finds Misha missing. He looks around to see some of the crew whispering and gesturing at the set probably wondering where the hell Misha was. It looks like a vein is about to burst on Phil’s forehead. Jensen approaches him cautiously to assess the situation.

“I don’t know where he is! He left shortly after you did and we haven’t seen him since. He’s due back on set now and he’s not. He’s delaying this episode and if he keeps it up, it’s coming out of his paycheck.”

“Look, Phil, maybe he just lost track of time and he’ll be back soon. Just give him some time, okay?”

Phil doesn’t look convinced but he grunts anyway in affirmation. It’s now 15 minutes and still no sign of Misha. 

Like an idiot, Jensen volunteers to go find him before Phil has a heart attack. 

Also like an idiot, he goes straight for Misha’s trailer where an actor wrangler is already at the door, pounding furiously and calling Misha’s name. 

When he sees Jensen approach he says, “I can’t get Mr. Collins out of his trailer! He just won’t answer!”

After a few words and reassurances are exchanged, Jensen sends the kid on his way before knocking on the door. This is a bad idea, he knows it, but right now he’s justifying it for the good of the show and Misha not losing out on money for this quasi-diva display. 

Faintly, Jensen can hear Misha yell “leave me alone already!” and responds, “It’s me you idiot. Open the door.”

Misha’s still in his Marc clothes when he opens the door but he looks like he’s been crying. His eyes are slightly droopy and puffy, his face fuller and pink. Jensen feels all the air leave his lungs because he made Misha look like this. What’s going on?

“Mish talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Misha laughs without humor. “Do you really want to ask me that, Ackles? Considering how you clamped up yesterday?”

Jensen bows his head. “M’sorry for that. I…I can’t tell you, man. Not without ruining everything.”

“Ruining everything? Jensen, I don’t know if you can tell, but the Ruining Everything train has long left the station.” Misha sighs. “I wish you would just tell me. I thought we were friends.”

“We are!” Jensen says quickly. “That’s my point! What I need to say will probably fuck up that friendship. And your friendship means more to me than…than whatever I’m holding in.”

Suddenly, dawning realization crosses Misha’s face and he stares back at Jensen. It throws Jensen for a loop at first. Then he says, “Get inside. Now.”

The sternness in his face prompts Jensen to go inside real quick as Misha stalks away from the door. 

“Son of a bitch. I can’t believe it.”

Now Jensen is seriously confused. “Believe what?”

“You asshole!” Misha yells. But he doesn’t seem angry necessarily. “I can’t believe you just pulled the cliché ‘I don’t want to admit my feelings for you without ruining our friendship’ scenario.”

Jensen blushes bright red under the lights of Misha’s trailer, trying with all his heart to back out of this and deny deny deny. “No way, man. It’s something else. I can’t believe you’d even think that.”

“Don’t avoid this, Jensen.”

“I’m not!”

“Yes, you are! Except it won’t ruin our friendship because I feel the same way, you dope!”

“No I’m not I swear it’s about something else I—“ He stops. Misha feels the same way? Did he just hear that right?

“No,” Jensen pleads. “No. Don’t do this. You’re married we can’t—“

Misha rolls his eyes. It seems like every emotion Misha had been feeling before this has been safely locked away to be replaced by the sarcastic, go with the flow persona. His celebrity persona. “I am married.”

Jensen isn’t following Misha’s logic here. “So..so whatever I – we – feel for each other can’t happen, man. I’m a lot of things but I’m not a cheater. That’s why I wouldn’t tell you. Why tell a married man you have feelings for him. Not only feelings but gay feelings.” 

“Gay feelings are different from straight feelings? Huh, I never knew that. I thought they were all universal feelings. Are your gay feelings filled with rainbows and glitter then?”

“Fuck off,” Jensen says, a small smile on his lips. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then don’t say it that way. You have feelings for me and that’s it. And I have feelings for you.”

“You can’t.”

“Oh? I can’t? You’re going to dictate me who I can and can’t have feelings for?”

“No!” Jensen swipes a hand through his hair. Misha’s a great friend but sometimes he can be so infuriating. “Fuck no I’m not. You’re legally married to a woman, Mish. And I won’t let either of us cheat. It’s not fair to Vicki.”

Misha smiles, whipping his phone off from the bar counter. “Would you like me to call and ask her if she thinks it’s fair?”

“What? No! Misha come on don’t be like this—“ But before Jensen could finish his sentence, Misha already dialed for Vicki. He puts the phone on speakerphone immediately. A few seconds later, a panting Vicki answers the phone.

“Hi hun. I’m kind of in the middle, or between really, of something here.”

Misha’s face suddenly morphs into one of pure lust, biting his bottom lip. Faintly, Jensen can hear a feminine voice moaning in the background. Holy shit! Holy shit! Did Misha just call his wife in the middle of her cheating?

“Aww babe. And you couldn’t have waited for me to go on break?”

Vicki snorts and then coos at the woman ‘don’t cum until I tell you’ before she says more clearly, “I could’ve, but Maddison here was just too irresistible. I told her she can stick around for a couple more days if you want to join in.” 

Misha hums at that. Jensen makes some hand movements to get Misha’s attention, who suddenly forgot he was even there. 

Once he notices Jensen, he schools his features to something a little more appropriate before he says, “Hey Vic, I’ve got you on speakerphone. Jensen’s here with me.”

Vicki gasps and then the woman really gasps. Jensen hates to admit he can feel his dick stirring at the noises and tries to will it down because now is really not the time. There’s some shuffling and then a door shutting before Vicki finally says, “Oh, nice! Probably just got a whole earful there. But I’m sure he appreciated it all the same. Hi Jensen!”

“Um, hi Vicki,” Jensen replies, inching closer to the phone so that she can hear him. “How-how are you?”

“I’m amazing, thanks for asking. So what’s with the call boys?”

Misha smirks. “Jensen here has a crush on me.”

Jensen’s eyes bulge out of his head. Did Misha really just say that to his wife? Also, why the fuck is Misha not freaking out that he just caught his wife sleeping with another woman? What the hell is going on here?

“Awwww! I’m so glad to hear that, babe. You’ve been gushing about him since you first saw him.”

Misha eyes Jensen at that before blushing a deep red, all the way to the tips of his ears. Jensen can’t even process that Misha has apparently liked him since they’ve met because he’s still trying to process that Misha is telling her any of this at all. He’s too stunned to even speak.

“I think we’ve rendered him mute, hun.” Misha says. Vicki laughs.

“You haven’t told him yet, huh?”

“No, not yet. I was hoping we both could. And Jen also wants to know if it’s fair to you if we start carrying out a relationship.” Misha looks at Jensen, smirk still on his face, eyes glittering with mischief and happiness. They’ve really got to be joking with Jensen right now. He’s waiting any minute for them to say “sike!” and laugh at him for being so gullible. But it never comes. 

“Of course it’s fair. I give you my blessing. Just know I want to meet him very soon; question him until he’s uncomfortable. And if he’s willing, maybe we can all try out the merchandise.” Both Misha and Vicki giggle, and Jensen realizes then that Vicki just invited him to have a threesome with her and Misha someday.

He’s had enough. “Can someone fucking explain to me what’s going on here?”

“Jensen,” Misha says calmly, slowly walking towards him until they’re mere inches away from each other. Misha’s eyes are so blue after a bout of crying and his stubble is at just the right length. “My wife and I are polyamorous.”

Poly-what? “Come again?”

“Polyamorous,” Vicki repeats. “I’ll break it down for you. Poly means ‘many’ and amorous means ‘love’ or ‘sexual desire’.”

“We’re non-monogamous. We’ve had multiple partners throughout our lives, both with and without each other.”

Jensen gapes. Something is very off, but Jensen just can’t pinpoint what. “It sounds like justified cheating to me.” 

Misha frowns and Vicki scoffs over the line. “Babe, I don’t like him now.”

“Hold on, hun.” Misha mutes Vicki on the phone before addressing Jensen again. “No, it’s not. It’s a legitimate life choice. Vicki and I are happily married and happily in love, but sometimes our love extends outside of each other. And that’s okay.”

Jensen blinks because it sounds like a fairytale. All his life he was raised to treat the women in his life as well as he could, to put rings on them if he can, to claim them as his so no other man could. Monogamy is all he’s ever known, and to be with someone else while you have a girl in your life was cheating no matter what. 

“That’s archaic and old-fashioned, Ackles. It’s 2016 not 1916,” Misha says, with Jensen not even realizing he said all of that out loud. 

“It’s…it’s weird for me, man. I don’t know what to do.”

Misha nods. “S’okay. You’re not the first to be a little tentative about all of this. But if you’re worried about me being married getting in the way of us expanding on those feelings, then you don’t need to be. Vicki and I are different. Always have been. You just heard her have sex with another woman over the phone. And you heard her give her blessing to us. It’ll be okay.” Misha reaches out for Jensen’s hand, and it feels so innocent like with Ben and Marc that he doesn’t really flinch away from it. Instead they stand their holding hands while Misha brings Vicki back on. 

“We’re good.” 

“Oh, good to hear. I wanna hear all about how good in bed he is when I see you.”

Misha smiles and Jensen makes a high-pitched noise he’ll deny he made to his dying day. “Of course. I won’t leave out a single detail.” He hangs up quickly, still looking fondly at Jensen. Eventually he says, “You’re a fucking idiot.”

~

Jensen’s initial plans to go out and sleep with as many women as possible when he got on his break ended up being replaced by he and Misha spending time in Jensen’s trailer while occasionally venturing out to bars. Straight bars. He wouldn’t be caught dead in a gay bar with Misha. At least not yet. 

The first couple days had them tiptoeing around each other and their new “relationship”. Although Jensen would rather not label it because calling it a relationship would make the whole thing too real and he’s not even sure what he’s feeling for Misha is even entirely lovey dovey feelings or something else. Jared and Danneel assume it is, but only Jensen can really know his feelings. At least he hopes. But Misha seems content with whatever is going on between them.

The first time they kiss outside of the show shocks Jensen deep to his core. They had just finished watching a movie, and Misha announced that he was going back to his trailer to catch a little bit of sleep. Jensen walked him to the door and right before Misha left, he turned around and pecked Jensen on the lips. It was quick and simple. It left Jensen in disbelief. 

Soon, the two started sharing as many kisses as possible. Misha always kissed like he meant it, as if all of his kisses had some type of deeper meaning to them. And Jensen reveled in the softness of Misha’s lips each time, despite how chapped they looked most days. There was a few times where Misha tried to pull Jensen into a dark corner because “You look so hot in that leather jacket” was enough of a reason to kiss Jensen until he couldn’t breathe. It always left him on edge afterwards that they’d get caught though. So he would try to push Misha away if things got too heavy-handed. 

A week into their break with another week to spare, Misha tells Jensen one day he’s going back home to his wife for the rest of the break. The whole image Jensen built of their relationship shatters when he remembers Misha’s a married man. In an open relationship married man, he reminds himself, but it still goes against everything he grew up learning. It’s still a sore spot.

“I’ll miss you, handsome,” Misha says coyly while on top of Jensen’s lap. They were in the middle of a great makeout session when Misha dropped the bomb on Jensen. Now Jensen’s arms are wrapped loosely around Misha’s middle and he’s looking off to the side, staring at a picture frame on the wall. Misha’s weight on top of him feels right and stifling at the same time. 

“Yeah,” is all Jensen says. 

Misha smirks. “You’re not jealous are you?”

He’s toying with him, testing the boundaries because that’s what Misha does, but it doesn’t stop the irritation from bubbling within Jensen’s veins. “Hell no. I don’t get jealous.”

Misha laughs then, wrapping his arms tightly around Jensen’s neck, carding his fingers through Jensen’s short hair in a mockery of a soothing touch. Except it really does help because Jensen practically melts under Misha like the Wicked Witch after being doused with water. 

“Aw my big jealous boy,” Misha teases, but then he gets serious real fast when Jensen glares at him. “Jensen, the first rule of polyamory is no jealousy. It doesn’t exist with people like us. We’ve learned and accepted to go outside of that ugly, disaster of a human emotion. I have a wife. And now a male partner. And at one point my wife and I both had a girlfriend together.” Misha shoves his hair back in a sign of nervousness, getting up off of Jensen. Jensen yearns for Misha to be back in his lap, so he just places his hands on his thighs instead. “So if you really are jealous of this, then I must let you know that I will always chose my wife over anyone else. Do you understand?”

Jensen nods and Misha sighs. He doesn’t want to give this up, though. Not yet at least. He likes their kisses and when Misha holds his hand. He just likes Misha. All of his quirks and terrible humor too. But he understands how Vicki will always come first in all of this. Jensen just needs to get over himself. It’s his wife for fucks sake. 

“I understand,” Jensen says. Then mumbles a “M’ sorry.” Next thing he knows Misha is sitting next to him on the couch and pulling him into an awkward hug and cuddle. Jensen hates the one being cuddled, and has always preferred to be the cuddler. But for some reason Misha holding like this makes him feel safe and warm and happy, so he lets it happen despite his mind throwing accusations at him. 

“Don’t apologize, you idiot.” Then he kisses Jensen on top of the head. Then, because it’s Misha, pats Jensen on the head patronizingly as he gets up off the couch to gather the few things that have migrated into Jensen’s trailer. They say their goodbyes without making much of a deal over it. Misha makes sure to even kiss Jensen for a longer, steamier time that leaves Jensen breathless. 

Afterwards, Jensen decides to call up Jared to see if they can hang out somewhere. Both Jared and Jensen live in L.A., so meeting up will be an easy process for them. Right now, Jensen needs a good friend. Even if it’s just to shoot the breeze and not think too heavily on anything. 

They meet up at L.A. Café (because it seems the most non-descript café around). Jensen’s wearing a backwards cap and sunglasses with his favorite grey leather jacket, a few day old stubble (due to Misha saying he really likes the gruffness it gives Jensen), and a pair of worn jeans. He’s whistling as he grabs a table near the back so that they can’t really be seen. Sure, they’re only one and a half seasons into the show, but you can’t be too careful running into fans on your day off. 

Jared appears moments later wearing a beanie and a tank top (because the asshole never gets cold. Must be all the body heat trapped in that ridiculously tall frame of his.) and shorts that hang loosely to his knees. 

“J my man! How’s it hanging, dude?” Jared says rather loudly. Jensen gives him a look through his sunglasses as best as he can, but Jared is just an overgrown puppy so doesn’t get the hint. “Nice stubble.”

“Shut up,” Jensen says, smiling. “We’re out in a public, and I’d rather not get attacked by a bunch of young girls.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Jared says with a saucy smile.

“You’re married!” 

“And from what I hear, so is Misha.”

Jensen blushes and avoids looking at Jared. Jared is already aware of his and Misha’s…partnership or whatever…but not the fact that Misha is married. 

“Yeah he is. So what?”

Jared just shakes his head. Oh no, that’s the disappointed Jared look. And also eerily similar to the Liam disappointed look that he gives Ben when he does something stupid. Like get back together with Marc. 

Wow, maybe their lives are more like Yearly Divide than they care to admit.

“It’s cheating, dude.”

Jensen bristles because it’s not…or at least not really. Fuck. 

“I swear to you it’s not. Mish and Vicki are…different.”

“Different…”

“Yeah, different. They’re…polyamorous apparently.”

“Poly-who now?”

“Polyamorous. It means they have love in their hearts for more than one person at a time.”

“So, like, non-monagamy?”

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

Jared hums at that. Then he orders drinks for the both of them and then a patty melt just for himself. Jensen isn’t really hungry now that The Conversation has been brought up. What did he say about just wanting to shoot the breeze and not talk about heavy shit?

“You seem happy though,” Jared comments nonchalantly. And he’s right. Jensen does feel happier than he’s been in a long time. He’s got good friends, and now a…a….something with Misha, who is also a good friend, who gives good kisses, and laughs at all his dumb jokes. 

This is good for him. He just hopes Misha’s contract will be renewed for season 3 so that Jensen can selfishly keep him a little longer. 

Thankfully, the conversation moves on to safer topics about work and how Gen is doing. She hasn’t been around as much for this season, so Jensen hardly ever sees her. But Jared says she’s been doing great, more than great actually, now that he’s learned they’re---

“HOLY SHIT DUDE SHE’S PREGNANT?!” Jensen yells, effectively startling half of the café as they stare at the duo. Then they clap because Jensen just publicly announced a pregnancy. Well, so much for keeping it under wraps before US magazine get a hold of the information. 

But Jared doesn’t even bat an eye as he excitedly tells Jensen about what happened. Apparently Gen surprised him at their home with a bunch of baby decorations and a thick ribbon wrapped around her stomach proclaiming she’s pregnant. Jared cried. 

Jensen can’t keep the dopey smile off his face as he hears Jared talk about the whole thing, using as much animated hand gestures as he can because he’s so excited. 

“I hope it’s a boy.”

They part ways not long after, Jared wanting to get back to Gen so he can pamper her as much as he can while they’re still on break. Jensen makes sure to give Jared a warm hug and a congratulations before leaving. He’s so goddamn happy right now he can explode. Absolutely nothing can ruin his good mood.

Nothing at all.

~

The day they return to set finds Jensen and Misha filming another sex scene. Jensen and Misha both knew it was coming, and they had briefly talked about it, but they found it was better to just study their lines and do the scene as professionally as they can. The issue is that Jensen isn’t even sure if he can now that he and Misha are more than friendly with each other. He’s sure that once he gets all that tan skin under his hands he’ll just go crazy and his brain will shut off like the first time. It’ll make for a good, realistic scene for the viewers, but to the cast and crew it’d almost be a dead neon sign giveaway that says “Hey I’m dating Misha Collins!!” 

They avoid each other as best as they can when around other prying eyes. Some of the crew believe they’re still having their fight and don’t look too happy about potentially dealing with two stubborn actors making them miss their lunch hours. While others closer to the two know that today will go better than the other days. 

As everyone is setting up for the scene, Jensen and Misha go over their scripts a bit while hair and makeup people rush around them to get them camera ready. When Jensen makes eye contact with Misha, Misha subtly winks at him over the head of a makeup girl. Jensen blushes, and the male makeup guy tuts at Jensen for changing his skin color like that. Jensen only blushes harder in response and apologizes. 

The scene involves a rather steamy sex scene that is sure to make all the online news sites explode when the episode airs. It’ll be rather risqué for cable TV and will just barely pass FCC regulations. The goal is to get a lot of viewers for this episode as they start the journey for the season finale. Jensen is both nervous and excited. Nervous because he’s always nervous for a sex scene. And nervous because it’s Misha. But also excited because it’s Misha. His emotions are all over the place right now. 

Just keep a level head, Ackles. You’ll get through this with only half a boner probably. Which you can always take care of later.

He and Misha get into position, which is basically Misha lying on top of Jensen with Jensen’s legs wrapped around Misha’s waist. It’s super suggestive despite their boxers on underneath them and strategically placed blankets, but now Jensen is getting really excited, especially when Misha looks down at home with lust-filled eyes and a dopey smile. 

The director yells “action!” and they begin. Misha immediately lowers himself to attack Jensen’s mouth with all he has, not even bothering with the no tongue rule. Jensen opens up easily under him, throwing his arms around Misha’s back to scratch at the toned skin and muscle there. Misha mewls above him and shoves his hips down. It’s a little too hard for the professional scene they’re doing, but Jensen doesn’t really complain when he feels Misha’s dick connect with Jensen’s through the fabric of their underwear. 

A smaller part of Jensen’s brain that isn’t clouded by lust right now is screaming that he’s even close to a man like this, that he just brushed erections with another man. Jensen tries really hard to ignore it despite the sweat beginning to break out over his skin as Misha moves to attack his neck. Thankfully, Misha is careful not to leave marks. They kiss for another moment before Jensen flips them with his legs, laughing when Misha makes an “oof” sound that can probably be heard on the overhead mic. Misha laughs again and it makes the scene feel so genuine since Ben and Marc are supposed to be in love. And if that thought doesn’t scare Jensen to death. 

Jensen begins some light thrusting movements under the sheets as he pins Misha’s hands above his head. He knows that both he and Misha are taking a lot of artistic liberties right now with this sex scene, but no one is yelling cut to stop them, so Jensen believes that whatever they’re doing is working. 

Misha moans under Jensen as Jensen gives a particularly good thrust, and Jensen’s dick starts to fill. He worries for a split second about that, because surely getting an erection with your co-worker while a bunch of other people are watching is cause for concern. Except the intenseness he’s feeling with Misha right now is just too much; it’s clouding his judgment way more than it should be. 

Then he remembers the one real line he has in this scene and says, “Turn over.”

Misha keens (when he really doesn’t need to but Jensen loves it all the same) at the declaration before turning over under Jensen, getting on all fours and pillowing his head on his crossed arms. Jensen chuckles as Misha, surprisingly, says “Ben” and begins to kiss down Misha’s back until he disappears off camera near his lower back. Misha then moans like he’s supposed to to indicate something is going on down below off camera shot, and the director yells “cut!” to signal the end of the scene. 

Jensen reappears out from under the sheets, panting, sweating, lips kiss swollen. He covertly tries to cover himself with the sheets, willing his erection to go down before he even attempts to leave. He sees Misha out of the corner of his eye do the same and chuckles under his breath. Apparently Misha hears because he says, “Fuck you” in a whisper that makes Jensen do a full blown head tilted back body laugh. 

“Good job, boys,” the director says, giving them a hand salute. His face is mostly unreadable, but Jensen detects a subtle hint of a smirk under it all and frowns. Much to Jensen’s embarrassment, Jared comes bumbling onto set, hair bouncing everywhere, and says loudly, “Holy shit! That was so hot you two! It looked so real.”

Jensen puts a palm over his forehead and says, “Jared. Stop talking.”

Jared only laughs though and continues. “I saw the whole thing off to the side, dude. I don’t even swing that way but man I kind of wanted in on that.”

“Oh really?” Misha says suddenly, eyes glittering in mischief. “I think that can be arranged. Right, Jen?”

Jensen flips Misha off and then flips Jared off before grumpily grabbing a robe from a waiting P.A. and stalks off set. He heads straight for his trailer to cool down. Except, Misha appears only moments later looking no better than he did on set. 

Jensen doesn’t even get a chance to acknowledge him before Misha’s pushing Jensen onto the bed, hungrily attacking his mouth like a man possessed. Jensen’s a little stunned at the display but gets with the program pretty quickly. Making out with Misha has got to be one of his favorite pastimes nowadays. To feel Misha’s mouth against his is like feeling the sun against your skin. It’s hot and perfect and something you want to soak in. 

Misha cradles Jensen’s head in his hands, now slowing down the kisses to long, drawn out ones filled with tongue and saliva. It makes Jensen’s head spin with dizzying lust and passion. He’s kissed a lot of women in his life, but kissing Misha makes the top 5 for sure. The man knows what he’s doing no doubt, like he’s had a lot of experience.

Jensen tries not to dwell on that too much or else the whole mood will get ruined. 

So he just becomes putty to Misha’s wandering hands and mouth. Soon, he’s kissing Jensen’s neck and exposed collarbone from the robe, making sure to leave small marks that could easily be covered by makeup if they needed to be. Jensen moans at the electric shock feeling that shoots through his whole body, clenching his muscles slightly. He winds his hands in Misha’s hair, tugging lightly on the strands. 

After a time, Misha declares that he wants to suck Jensen off. He doesn’t even give Jensen time to process that before undoing the knot on Jensen’s robe, exposing him. Jensen does tense up a little because this is all new for him. Well, new for him and Misha. He’s had plenty of women suck him over the years. But with Misha…it feels weird to him. Plus he’s never had a man suck him off. Will it feel different? Does Misha have a gag reflex? Oh god, what if he chokes him?

“Jensen, stop thinking. I can see you overthinking this,” Misha says. He puts a hand on Jensen’s cock and starts rubbing over it. Jensen moans in response, bucking up into Misha’s hand.

“Mm that’s good. Keep doing that,” he says through panting breathes. Misha chuckles and continues with the onslaught until Jensen is fully hard, tenting his underwear obscenely. 

“You’re pretty big there, Jackles. Must’ve made all the ladies swoon.”

Jensen snorts. “You bet. I’ve got that Monster Cock that all the ladies love.” 

“Please. Don’t. That actually sounds terrifying. Not sexy at all.”

They both dissolve into giggles after that, but Misha gets them back on track. He asks calmly if he can remove Jensen’s boxers, and when Jensen says yes, Misha leans down on elbows and knees to mouth at Jensen through the fabric.

This…this is perfect. Perfect because it feels good and perfect because it’s Misha. Why did he ever feel so hung up on his internalized homophobic feelings? This is great in every way. And it means so much more than all the nameless faces of girls he’s been with before (minus Danneel), which only makes the sex more incredible. He never wants to give this up.

Misha continues to mouth at Jensen’s dick until the fabric is damp with the mix of spit and Jensen’s precum. Jensen can feel himself twitch when Misha blows some air on it. Fuck! That feels good. 

“C’mon Mish. Please. Want you to suck me.”

“Ohhh begging huh? I think I can get used to you begging.”

Jensen pinches Misha on the arm for the comment. But Misha gets the hint right away as he drags the underwear down and off of Jensen. He curls a hand around Jensen’s shaft, giving it a few strokes and watching as the precum dribbles down the sides. 

“So wet,” he comments. Then he licks a long stripe from the base to the tip, making Jensen moan and convulse at the action. Oh god. He hasn’t even really started yet and Jensen already feels close. 

Misha wraps his lips around the tip of Jensen’s cock, suckling softly and twirling his tongue in ways Jensen can’t even begin to describe how amazing they feel. Almost like subtle flicks that feel like molten lava on his flesh. Where did he learn to do all this? 

“I’ve slept with a lot of people, my friend. Learned a few tricks of the trade when it comes to sucking dick. Both of the real and artificial kind,” says Misha. Jensen mentally chastises himself for once again speaking out his thoughts. He only seems to really do it around Misha too. But of course it all makes sense considering Misha’s lifestyle. 

Jensen practically yells when Misha takes him all the way down his throat. His mouth is hot and wet and absolutely perfect against Jensen’s throbbing erection. Jensen doesn’t even bother with teasing now, and just goes to town rather sloppily on Jensen’s cock. His spit mixes with Jensen’s pubic hair as Misha bobs up and down on his shaft, always making sure to use his tongue and avoid teeth. It feels so incredibly good that Jensen can’t stop moaning. Surely someone will walk by and hear the filth that’s pouring out of Jensen’s mouth.

“Mish. Mish. Oh god, Mish. Feels good. Ahh. Fuck!” 

Misha hums and chuckles while still full of Jensen’s dick, and Jensen bucks off the bed, effectively shoving his dick deeply into Misha’s throat. Misha doesn’t even bat an eyelash at this.

Misha’s going to be the death of him. He knows this. The only other person that could deep throat him like this was Danneel. He’s such a fucking goner. 

When he feels like he’s getting close, he shoves a hand into Misha’s hair and tugs to let him know. Misha easily pops off, giving a slight final tug just to fuck with him. He towers over Jensen, cradles him with his arms, and asks, “What do you want, babe?”

“You,” Jensen croaks out. “I want to fuck you. Please.”

“Fuck me? Are you sure you don’t want to bottom?”

Jensen seizes up at that. Bottom? For a man? Having something…up there? No. No way. Not gonna happen. There’s a lot of things he can tolerate but having a penis up there is just something he can’t…won’t…do. At least not now. But him doing it to Misha is another thing entirely. Not that much different from fucking a woman. Right? 

“I’m sure. Want to fuck you so bad.” 

Misha sighs. “I don’t bottom often. But I’ll make an exception for you.” 

He disrobes quickly before beginning to rummage around in Jensen’s trailer, probably looking for lube and condoms. Jensen always has some on hand if he were to ever bring girls back to his trailer, so he points Misha in the direction of them. 

Misha fully naked is a sight to behold. He’s half erect nestled in a bush of hair that Jensen kind of wants to run his hand through. His skin is just as tan as when they first met. His hipbones can cut marble they’re so sharp against his skin. Jensen’s arousal only skyrockets at seeing Misha like this. Misha, in turn, is completely comfortable in his own skin around Jensen, walking around completely nude as he finds the lube and condom. 

He tosses both onto the bed before crawling back over Jensen. They kiss for what seems like forever, to where it feels like Jensen could get drunk on Misha and his kissing. But then all too soon Misha’s pulling away and shoving the lube in his face.

“You know how to use this, right?”

Jensen just stares because duh. But wait…anal sex is different from vaginal. Vaginas lubricate themselves when the woman is aroused. Anuses don’t. That’s why they have lube.

Jensen must look like a deer caught in headlights because Misha is snapping his fingers in front of his face to get his attention. “Earth to Jensen,” he laughs. “It’s not hard. Fingered a woman?” Jensen nods because of course he has. “Good. Do the same thing with me but use a lot of that lube. Stretch me as much as you can.” He then eyes Jensen’s dick. “I’m really going to need it.” 

Jensen chuckles before popping the cap on the lube. Misha decides to settle on all fours, ass in the air. The sight leaves Jensen breathless and amazed. Misha’s ass is perky (he remembers Misha telling him one time he’s a runner) and round, and Jensen can’t help putting a hand on one cheek and giving it a squeeze. Misha snorts against the pillows. “Way to signal your appreciation for my ass, Jen.”

“Shut up,” Jensen says but he’s smiling so hard right now. Everything is going perfect. He and Misha not only have great chemistry on set but also great chemistry in the bedroom. 

Jensen lubes all four of his fingers. He uses his other hand to spread Misha’s ass cheeks apart. The sight of an asshole shouldn’t arouse him as much as it does, but Jensen can’t help the moan that leaves his mouth when Misha is exposed. He starts with one finger circling the rim. 

Now Misha’s moaning, using one of his fists to jerk himself. Jensen uses that finger to open him up, watching intently as it disappears inside Misha. He’s seen himself do this a lot with vaginas, and every time it never fails to amaze him watching one of his own body parts go inside someone like this. 

He twists and circles the finger inside Misha, feeling how hot and tight he is, knowing that it will transition over to his dick very soon. After a minute or so, he slips the finger out to apply more lube. This time he flirts two fingers against Misha’s rim before inserting them. Jensen can hear the wetness of Misha masturbating and it makes his dick twitch hard. 

Soon he’s got three fingers inside Misha, hand and wrist soaked with lube, pumping them in and out quickly and forcefully. Misha keeps rocking back on Jensen’s fingers, his hands now abandoned to clutching the sheets instead. “Jensen. Oh my god keep going. Feels so fucking amazing.” 

“I know, babe. I can see how much you want this.”

“I do. So much. Please.”

Jensen laughs heartily and doesn’t waste any time in applying a condom and slicking himself up nice and wet for Misha. Jensen is now very familiar with this process and position, and doesn’t hold back in shoving a hand on Misha’s back to push him into the bed, watching as his cock slowly moves inside Misha.

It feels even better than he thought.

Jensen lets his head fall back to let out a long groan as he enters Misha. Misha reciprocates with an equally loud moan followed by lots of curse words. So big makes it in there too, and Jensen can’t help but smile. Misha may or may not have a kink for size. 

Once fully seated, Jensen takes lots of deep breathes so as to let Misha adjust having him inside. It’s only a minute before Misha is stubbornly pushing back. “Move, dammit.” 

And Jensen obliges, knowing exactly what Misha needs. 

His thrusts start out short and hard, trying to aim for Misha’s prostate (he paid attention in sex ed). He still has Misha pinned with a hand as he starts to fuck in earnest. Misha is just a string of curse words and blasphemies under him. To Jensen’s horror, he notices that Misha is sliding up the bed, almost knocking into the headboard. But another animalistic part of him is loving this. Loves seeing Misha under his mercy like this. 

They go at a rough pace for what seems like forever, the pleasure building inside of Jensen slowly and perfectly. It’s the slow build orgasm that never fails to make him weak in the knees. So when he finally does crest, body immediately coming down over Misha to hold him and kiss his neck, his whole body feels like it’s on fire in a good way. He feels himself empty into the condom, loving the contractions of Misha’s insides giving him the extra shots of pleasure. Shortly after, Misha comes too in loud moans and repeats of Jensen’s name on his lips. It’s all over the bed when they finally collapse, and Misha grimaces as he tries to get away from the mess. 

“Never been a fan of cum on skin,” he says, nearly shoving Jensen off the bed to get away from it. Jensen snorts and forces his wobbly legs to go to the bathroom. He comes back with a wet cloth. Misha snatches it up and cleans the mess until it becomes just a giant wet water stain. He moves his butt back over it and seems content. For now. 

Jensen gets back into bed immediately, not even really bothered when Misha puts an arm around him and guides him to lay his head on his chest. Jensen can hear the steady heartbeat under his ear and it lulls him into a sense of ease, comfort, and sleepiness. Last thing he hears before he’s asleep is Misha whispering, “Great work, Jackles.”

  


~

Weeks pass and go rather quickly for Jensen. Next thing he knows he’s receiving the script for the finale. It takes him a long time before he gets the guts to read it, afraid that he’ll read something he doesn’t want to read. 

Neither he nor Misha have heard from Robbie yet on the status of Misha’s contract with the show. Jensen honestly doesn’t know what he will do if Misha doesn’t come back. He doesn’t know if he can continue a long distance relationship with him. But the thought of leaving Misha, his lover and his friend, kills him inside. Plus, he hasn’t had a chance to meet Vicki. And hasn’t arranged for Danneel to meet him. There’s still so much he has yet to do with him. 

Instead of reading the script, he decides to confront Robbie about the entire situation. He’s sure by now that Robbie has at least an inkling of what’s going on between Jensen and Misha despite their best efforts to keep it secret. 

Okay in reality they really weren’t trying all that hard. They’ve already had to pay off two interns who caught them making out in a dark alcove. One of the makeouts involved Misha with his pants open. They were very happy with the large amounts of money presented to them for their silence. 

He knocks on Robbie’s door first before entering, but is stunned to see that Misha is already inside. His face is expressionless, which can mean either of two things. One, he just showed up and doesn’t know anything yet. Or two, he really did get the boot and just doesn’t know how to react to the news yet. Jensen’s really hoping for the former. 

“Ah Jensen. Hello. I’m glad you’re here. Please, sit,” Robbie says, gesturing a hand out to the other chair across his desk. Jensen sits in it slowly, giving Misha a look. Misha only smiles back in reassurance before addressing Robbie.

“I’m sure you know why we’re here,” Misha says.

“Yes. You both want to know the status of Mr. Collin’s work contract for season 3, as we have already been renewed by the network for a season 3.”

Jensen holds in his breath because he just can’t bear the thought of Robbie telling them it’s over, that Misha and their relationship is over. 

Robbie doesn’t even bat an eye when Misha spontaneously reaches out for Jensen’s hand to hold it. 

“As I’m sure you all know, ratings have been decent this season. They went up significantly with your guy’s storyline as Ben and Marc. However,” Robbie says, taking a breath that leaves Jensen jumpy and feeling like he wants to cry. Here it comes, “the network didn’t really see a point in keeping Marc around as a character.”

No. No no no. This can’t be happening. Jensen sniffles once to hold back tears, and feels his heart pound harder when he feels Misha squeeze his hand in his. It’s like a sign of acceptance, and that everything is going to be okay. But they both know it won’t be. 

“We understand, Robbie,” Misha says. “I’ll begin packing my things once we finish filming the finale.”

Robbie gives them a weird look before falling into a fit of laughter. Both men look extremely confused at this display, wondering if maybe Robbie finally lost it or something.

“Boys. It’s okay. I got the network to change their minds. They’re typing up Misha’s season regular contract as we speak.”

The feeling that bubbles up inside Jensen’s chest is something unexplainable. But he does recognize it for what it really is – joy. He doesn’t even stop himself from smiling wide and grabbing Misha by the face to give him a kiss right there in front of Robbie. Robbie smiles at the display.

“Alright alright keep it in your pants, boys.” They reluctantly pull away but still continue to hold hands. “You both should be thanking me. You have no idea what I had to do to get them to change their minds. It means me needing to step up my writing and Misha stepping up his acting if he wants to keep going beyond season 3.”

“Will do, Robbie,” Misha says. 

Sometimes when people say “can anything possibly go wrong?” and it suddenly results in everything going wrong, it feels like the end of the world. Or the end of happiness. Except with Jensen, it never came to that. He had his shortcomings in the beginning getting over his internalized feelings. But he never would’ve gotten over them if not for Misha. He means so much to him. 

He thinks maybe one day he really will take Vicki up on that threesome offer. 

~ Epilogue ~

“Can’t believe it’s May already and they’re airing the finale,” Jensen says as he balances a big bowl of popcorn and three beer bottles. He hands one each to Jared and Misha before settling himself into the armchair, angling himself and the popcorn bowl to face the TV. He doesn’t even flinch when Misha decides to park his butt right into Jensen’s lap, nearly toppling the popcorn bowl over. 

“Dude, give a guy some warning,” Jensen grumps, but easily makes room for Misha to wrap his arms around his waist and place the popcorn bowl in his lap. Misha nearly shrugs and reaches for a handful of popcorn. Jared snorts.

“You two are gross.”

“Says the man who made a custom dildo of his own penis for his wife.”

“Oh come on I told you that in CONFIDENCE.”

“Yeah, drunk confidence,” Misha says laughing. 

“Really, dude? You told Misha about our “Never Have I Ever” drunk game?”

Jensen only shrugs, bright red with guilt. He’s told Misha about a lot of things actually that Jared doesn’t know about, and he sure as hell ain’t going to tell Jared now.

The show is just about ready to air for the pacific coast when Jensen remembers that Danneel had called earlier. She’s up to date on everything that has happened between him and Misha, and is dying to meet him. Like literally dying, according to her. 

“DeeDee still wants to meet you, ya know,” Jensen says to Misha.

“I know. I’m excited to meet her, but we’ve been so busy. Maybe over summer we can coordinate for all four of us to do something.”

Jensen snorts. “Danneel is a married lady, Mish.”

“I know! She can go back to her boring, monogamous married life while you, me, and Vicks can get it on like Donkey Kong. She’s missing out.”

“Ew guys come on not while I’m eating!” Jared says, turning the TV volume up obnoxiously to drown them out.

Jensen and Misha both start laughing really hard, then they shush each other when the opening credits begin for Yearly Divide. 

“I love you, Marc,” Ben says through the TV screen, giving Marc the biggest heart eyes Jensen could muster for the part. “I want to be in your life for as long as I can. Will you have me?”

“Ben are you asking for my hand in marriage?” Marc teases, but the affection is still there. Jensen wonders if it’s Misha bleeding through or if he’s just really good at acting. Probably both. 

“Uh, um, no. I mean…maybe? I don’t know if that’s something you want or not but—“

“Shut up, you idiot. Of course I’ll marry you.”

The three of them watch as Ben and Marc have a long happy kiss. Then the screen fades to black and back in to them standing at an altar wearing tuxedos. If Jensen were to be honest with himself, he kind of imagined this was something he was actually doing with Misha. But then he remembered Misha is legally married to Vicki and threw it right out the window. He’s very much content with what he has now.

“To season 3, you guys,” Jared says, holding up his beer.

“To season 3,” Jensen and Misha say in unison. 

“And to happier times,” says Jensen, giving Misha a chaste kiss. “With loved ones.”


End file.
